Nice guys finish last, right?

Nice guys finish last, right?

I’m going to be honest, I’ve not been in the best head space the last couple of days. maybe it’s because its baby loss awareness week (See here: https://www.uk-sands.org/support/remembering-your-baby/babyloss-awareness for more info) and so I cant help but be reminded of what I’ve lost, or perhaps its just the fact that I’ve turned another year older, and honestly feel no further forward than I was this time last year, who knows?

I actually got a bit teary at work today, I know I’m making plans for the future, but it still smarts that I have to make these plans. I’m constantly planning or organising something, when really I just want to sit back and enjoy my family, but in order to do that, I need to create one first.

Up until last night, I was definitely sure that Cyprus was the way forward, but someone mentioning that I could lose my NHS funding has been playing on my mind, and being the person I am, I just had to find out.

Finding the IVF policy for your local CCG is actually very easy, I just googled the name of my area and ‘CCG’ and was taken straight to their website, I then searched the website for ‘IVF’ and there in the results, right at the top is a PDF of the policy. it confirmed what I already knew, that I’m entitled to 2 cycles, including all frozen embryos created from said cycle (does rather raise the question as to why I had to pay for meds on my second medicated FET, but as I only paid prescription charges I wont grumble, even though we didn’t even get to transfer and so I didn’t even use one of the meds!) but it also confirmed what I hoped it wouldn’t.

If you self fund a cycle, you are only entitled to one NHS cycle. now how is that fair? the NICE guidelines state that everyone should be offered 3 funded cycles for a start, but as we all know it’s a postcode lottery, so not much I can do about that, but why on earth are people penalised for going private?

Is it because I’m lucky to have the means to do so? well I don’t, I’m borrowing and going into debt, as I imagine many many people do because I simply can’t wait any longer!

I would imagine the majority of people who self fund do it because of waiting lists, which is the NHS’ issue and they seem to do nothing about it. GP’s or Fertility Consultants conveniently forget to mention that you don’t have to have treatment at the hospital/clinic they refer you to, that you can in fact use your funding at a private clinic where the wait time is much shorter. but like I say, this isn’t mentioned, I only found out a year after my referral and by then I was in the process and to move the funding would have been an absolute nightmare!

I could go to my GP and ask for a referral to a local private clinic and get my funding for the second cycle moved, but that involves my GP agreeing to it (unlikely as they really don’t seem to like me and hubby and even getting a prescription can be hard work), the funding then being confirmed by the CCG, my notes being transferred from the NHS clinic which takes 60 days, so it really doesn’t seem like it’ll make that much difference, plus at this point, the nurses know me and my issues and I actually feel like it’d be rude for me to move, but that’s just who I am!

The other reason this seems like a pointless exercise is because we have lost faith in the NHS. they have a one size fits all policy, and if you don’t fit it, and I don’t, then they have no clue what to do with you. they are not willing to try other medications due to cost, or it not being absolutely proven to help. they very much stick to the same procedure, no matter how many times it fails – and isn’t that the definition of madness?!

keep of the grass

So here I am making a great argument as to why I should self fund abroad, so what’s the problem? Me, that’s what!

I’m not a rule breaker, I always do what I’m told, and follow the chain of command. its how I’ve always been.if I were to see a sign saying ‘keep off the grass’ I would, and I wouldn’t be comfortable if anyone else was on the grass – whereas my Mum, Brother and Hubby would quite happily ignore the sign and skip across the grass laughing in the face of ‘the man’!

I’ve broken the rules once, well not broken, but gone against doctors advice. the result? Milo! OK it didn’t end the way it should but if I hadn’t pushed for the transfer despite my very thin lining, I honestly believe those 2 frosties would still be in the freezer and we would still be cycling to be cancelled.

The other major concern is time-scales its been 7 weeks since my last attempt failed, and 6 weeks since clinic were informed. no letter, still, and I know from my forum, community.babycentre.co.uk that even if it came, there is no way id be accepted until my 4th request (when its guaranteed) and that takes us to January 2015. I started this journey in May 2009 for crying out loud!

My heart is screaming ‘go to Cyprus’ ‘you’ve waited too long already’ but the sensible side of me is wondering if I should wait – I wont have the NHS as a back up if we proceed, and that was my plan. My friends and family just keep saying don’t tell them, but surely when I get pregnant (PMA) my consultant will ask – do I lie and say its a natural miracle? what if the consultant needs to know its IVF and I compromise my care? (I don’t know why they would as most IVF pregnancies are treated as natural once a heartbeat is seen)

and then the biggest worry of all, to anyone TTC their rainbow, what if it all goes wrong again? if I don’t make it to term and they know I went private, there is no back up as my funding will have been withdrawn. for me its a moral dilemma, even though the rules aren’t fair, rules are rules.

Problem is – nice guys finish last don’t they?!

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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One thought on “Nice guys finish last, right?

  1. Oh hun. I have ran so many questions over and over in my head, but you need to go with your heart. A very wise lady asked me a question the other day.. “Imagine two different scenario’s…you go with the private clinic and get a BFN or you go with the NHS clinic and get a BFN… Which one will you regret most?

    I know I will regret not going with the private clinic. I know that is where my heart lies. People really don’t get it… the nurse at the NHS actually told me I was lucky to be able to go privately. Cut like a knife. We also loose an NHS cycle, but we won’t need them hun. Have hope xxxxx

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