Scan 1 of 4, could’ve gone better

Scan 1 of 4, could’ve gone better

So, for me, today as always part 1 of 4 about finding out whether we were getting a take home baby this time. I wasn’t excited, i was apprehensive.

Scan department was running behind, so much so, i sent hubby off to another department as i was worried that we would miss our booking in appointment. Typical luck, minute he left, i was called in! They assured me they would send him in once he returned.

The sonographer was a nice lady, who explained what measurements she was going to be doing. Hubby arrived at that point. The scan set up has changed since my 12 week scan with Milo, theres an extra screen so me and hubby could watch, at least id see this one!

Scan started, baby was there with head down, bum up! Heart fluttering away, we even got a close up of a hand and fingers, then the measurements started.

Crown to rump was 1st (top of head to bum) and baby was wiggling its legs, turned over a few times, i think anyway, may have been the way the scan was being conducted. Then we looked at the nuchal fold – the area at the back of baby’s neck. This area is measured to give an indication of chromosomal abnormalities and is combined with bloods to give a risk factor. Hubby and i knew, it was too large. She took a number of measurements from lots of angles. But it was too thick.

Ideally they like to see 3.5mm or less, our baby had a 4.4mm measurement. Its quite obvious on the scan photo i think too

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After the scan we were taken to a quiet room, the same one we were in after our 20 week scan with Milo, whilst the sonographer looked for the screening midwife. We were there a while but eventually i was taken over to antenatal to do my booking appointment and meet with a doctor regarding today’s scan.

I was asked if i would be doing the invasive tests, i said, through tears i couldn’t hold back, that i didn’t know, the midwife said if i was going to then maybe we should delay the booking appointment. I wanted my notes, damn it, to make this real so i said id rather get on with it. She filled in all my blood work forms and sent me off to have vials and vials of blood drawn. I was to bring back the sample that would be tested for the downs syndrome screening so it could be fast tracked. Luckily i give blood easily and soon we moved onto our family history questionnaire. Takes a while this but is a good distraction.

I was weighed and measured, gave my urine sample in, and then we waited.

We met a new consultant who discussed today’s results. He said that purely based on the measurement, without bloods, he predicted the following;

1 in 5 chance of chromosomal issues
1 in 10 chance of a heart problem
If neither of the above then possible genetic disorder that wouldn’t be detected until after birth.
He did say overall baby has a 70% chance of being born healthy – something hubby and i are desperately clinging to right now.

We discussed invasive testing, CVS or amnio, my heart screams NO at this type of test as there is a small chance of miscarriage and we have tried too hard for too long for something we do to end this pregnancy. I said I’d think it over whilst we await the blood results, but i just don’t think i can do it.

We then discussed options if we don’t have a needle test, an in depth scan at 16 weeks, i mentioned we have a cardio echo booked anyway, the consultant asked what day it was on and immediately knew which doctor would be performing it. Gordon Something. He’s good apparently. So if we choose not to have the needle test, the whole of baby will be looked at, at 16 week scan instead of just the heart, to see if there are any obvious abnormalities.

We feel pretty bleak at the moment. Although i knew it was part 1 of 4, i was hoping we would sail through this scan.

I feel like someones telling me I’m not meant to have a baby of my own. All i wanted to do was a grow a perfect baby but right now, it doesn’t look like I’m going to.

I don’t think i can end another pregnancy, we don’t have all the facts yet so that decision is way off, although it has been mentioned.

I cant help but think ‘why us?’ Even without all the facts, its not going to be plain sailing.

Hubby and i have sunk into silence again, so very reminiscent of March 2014.

I just want a baby to bring home…

3 weeks, 1 day until the next scan. I should hear from the screening midwife later this week.

I just wanted a boring pregnancy. I will hold onto the idea that baby could be fine, just so i have a reason to keep going if nothing else.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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23 thoughts on “Scan 1 of 4, could’ve gone better

  1. Oh, my friend. I’m so sorry you have to face this period of uncertainty. It is beyond unfair that you have anything but a smooth sailing pregnancy. It makes my heart hurt reading this. It does sound like there’s a very, very good chance that you will give birth to a perfectly healthy baby. I know it’s so, so, so hard, but try to focus on that if you can. I’ll be sending you the best of thoughts while you wait!

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  2. Hey Toni
    I am so sorry to read that today was not as hopeful ad exciting as we were all hoping it would be. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now and I
    Sure that the wait ahead seems almost impossible. When will you get your blood results back? Is there any chance you could afford a harmony test? I know you still need to wait 2 weeks but at least you might have some answers a little quicker?
    As theskyandback says, 70% chance is a good chance of having a thb but I know where my mind always wanders in those sleepless hours in the middle of the night… Have you thought of calling someone like ARC? They are always helpful and a brilliant ear to listen (I’ve sobbed down the phone to them numerous times!)…
    I truly hope that this is just a little bump in the road and that all will go well with the next scan. Until then I will keep you both (and GJB) in my thoughts and prayers. Huge huge hugs xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I should have bloods back by end of the week as im being fast tracked so thats something.
      Im clinging on to that 70%, its better than half and thats soooo positive. In the mean time i just have to carry on with hope in my heart and believe baby will be ok.
      I have a good support system but know there charities i can call on if i need to. Blogging really helps me so just getting this out has eased some of the fear. Lets all keep fingers crossed for now and hope i get lucky this time 😕 xxx

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  3. Oh Toni, I can’t imagine how difficult today must have been for you both.
    I’ll be thinking of you and waiting to hear the results of your bloods.
    Keep that PMA missus. 70% is huge.
    Xxxxx

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  4. So sorry hun that you going through this. You arent alone and you know that we are all here for you. You will be in thoughts often the next 3 weeks xxx

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  5. Oh no, im so sorry to hear this. Im keeping my fingers crossed that all is okay.

    I do want to share this little story with you though. My niece had a measurement of 4.9mm when my sister was pregnant with her at 12 weeks. The doctors told her pretty much the same thing- that there is a high likelyhood of chromosomal abnormalities. My sister went ahead with the CVS and all was good. My niece is now four, and a beautiful, healthy little girl.
    I really hope you have the same outcome xx

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  6. Toni
    My heart breaks for you. This is so unfair that you have to go through this.. Having a little look at evil google there are loads of stories of people with a high nt like yours who have had the all clear so fingers and toes tightly crossed.. I hope the bloods can put your mind at ease, if not you can always opt for the nifty.. I think this is what I’ll do in the first instance as can’t stand the worry.. They don’t do nuchal here in wales so it’s all bloods.. Gd luck Hun xx praying this is your healthy thb xx

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  7. There just doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason does there – why are those who don’t want children able to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and those who yearn for them face so much of a struggle! I feel for you honey, I really do. As everyone has said…stay positive, keep calm, and be strong. Look after each other….my husband always tells me “the most important thing in all of this is that we have each other and that’s enough” and I think that’s a lovely reminder for anyone going through IVF. My thoughts are with you sweetie, fingers and toes crossed xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We are lucky to have such wonderful hubby’s arent we? Just got to hope for a miracle for now and keep positive. Damn hormones keep making me cry! But ill plaster a smile on today xx

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  8. Thinking of you and keeping all my fingers and toes crossed. Keep plastering on that smile Toni, I am wishing positive thoughts for you both, stick together xxxx

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