Scan 1 of 4, could’ve gone better

So, for me, today as always part 1 of 4 about finding out whether we were getting a take home baby this time. I wasn’t excited, i was apprehensive.

Scan department was running behind, so much so, i sent hubby off to another department as i was worried that we would miss our booking in appointment. Typical luck, minute he left, i was called in! They assured me they would send him in once he returned.

The sonographer was a nice lady, who explained what measurements she was going to be doing. Hubby arrived at that point. The scan set up has changed since my 12 week scan with Milo, theres an extra screen so me and hubby could watch, at least id see this one!

Scan started, baby was there with head down, bum up! Heart fluttering away, we even got a close up of a hand and fingers, then the measurements started.

Crown to rump was 1st (top of head to bum) and baby was wiggling its legs, turned over a few times, i think anyway, may have been the way the scan was being conducted. Then we looked at the nuchal fold – the area at the back of baby’s neck. This area is measured to give an indication of chromosomal abnormalities and is combined with bloods to give a risk factor. Hubby and i knew, it was too large. She took a number of measurements from lots of angles. But it was too thick.

Ideally they like to see 3.5mm or less, our baby had a 4.4mm measurement. Its quite obvious on the scan photo i think too

After the scan we were taken to a quiet room, the same one we were in after our 20 week scan with Milo, whilst the sonographer looked for the screening midwife. We were there a while but eventually i was taken over to antenatal to do my booking appointment and meet with a doctor regarding today’s scan.

I was asked if i would be doing the invasive tests, i said, through tears i couldn’t hold back, that i didn’t know, the midwife said if i was going to then maybe we should delay the booking appointment. I wanted my notes, damn it, to make this real so i said id rather get on with it. She filled in all my blood work forms and sent me off to have vials and vials of blood drawn. I was to bring back the sample that would be tested for the downs syndrome screening so it could be fast tracked. Luckily i give blood easily and soon we moved onto our family history questionnaire. Takes a while this but is a good distraction.

I was weighed and measured, gave my urine sample in, and then we waited.

We met a new consultant who discussed today’s results. He said that purely based on the measurement, without bloods, he predicted the following;

1 in 5 chance of chromosomal issues
1 in 10 chance of a heart problem
If neither of the above then possible genetic disorder that wouldn’t be detected until after birth.
He did say overall baby has a 70% chance of being born healthy – something hubby and i are desperately clinging to right now.

We discussed invasive testing, CVS or amnio, my heart screams NO at this type of test as there is a small chance of miscarriage and we have tried too hard for too long for something we do to end this pregnancy. I said I’d think it over whilst we await the blood results, but i just don’t think i can do it.

We then discussed options if we don’t have a needle test, an in depth scan at 16 weeks, i mentioned we have a cardio echo booked anyway, the consultant asked what day it was on and immediately knew which doctor would be performing it. Gordon Something. He’s good apparently. So if we choose not to have the needle test, the whole of baby will be looked at, at 16 week scan instead of just the heart, to see if there are any obvious abnormalities.

We feel pretty bleak at the moment. Although i knew it was part 1 of 4, i was hoping we would sail through this scan.

I feel like someones telling me I’m not meant to have a baby of my own. All i wanted to do was a grow a perfect baby but right now, it doesn’t look like I’m going to.

I don’t think i can end another pregnancy, we don’t have all the facts yet so that decision is way off, although it has been mentioned.

I cant help but think ‘why us?’ Even without all the facts, its not going to be plain sailing.

Hubby and i have sunk into silence again, so very reminiscent of March 2014.

I just want a baby to bring home…

3 weeks, 1 day until the next scan. I should hear from the screening midwife later this week.

I just wanted a boring pregnancy. I will hold onto the idea that baby could be fine, just so i have a reason to keep going if nothing else.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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