a letter no mother should have to write

Dearest, sweetest Milo

I can’t believe its been a year little man. A whole year since we met you and said goodbye all at once. We miss you everyday. 

You were the most perfect little person i have seen. Perfect and tiny. I wonder what colour your eyes would have been, what your cry would’ve sounded like, what would’ve made you smile the first time, how you would’ve smelt. 

In the early days, i didn’t know how to live without you, didnt see the point of carrying on. We waited so long, and tried so hard. I was so angry with the world, how could this be fair?

I hope you understand why we let you go, i hope you know how much we love you. I hope you know we will never forget you. 

I think of you everyday. The pain has not subsided, but i also feel so much love and such pride. Im so proud of you Milo, so proud of how beautiful you were, how hard you fought to hold on. I smile so hard when i talk about you, I’m  overwhelmed with love when i look at pictures of you.

You have turned me into a new person. You changed me for the better. Thank you for that, thank you for the 20 weeks and 4 days of nervous bliss, thank you for the hours we got to touch you.

Youll always be my first born, my first son, my forever baby, my angel. 

Now i have your brother or sister in my tummy. They will never replace you, never, but i will love them so much, give them everything i wanted to give you. I can never replace you, nor am i trying to. Thank you for sending me my rainbow. They are a little handful, let me tell you, not like you! I wonder if they will look like you? 

Your ashes have been with us for a year now, but its time to let you go, to let you float up into the heavens, to play with the other angels. 

We have made up your baby record book with your scan pictures, my bump pictures and your pictures. I will treasure it until the day i die, i will look at it often, and i will smile. 

Happy birthday Milo. We will love you forever, we will miss you for always.

Love Mummy amd Daddy

Xxx

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13 thoughts on “a letter no mother should have to write

  1. Such beautiful words Toni xx Sending you all my love and wishing Milo a very happy 1st birthday in the clouds. He couldn’t have wished for a better Mummy (&Daddy)

    Liked by 1 person

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