I’m struggling with the again side of things, to be honest, I’m struggling with all sides again.
But ‘again’ keeps coming to me…
I cant believe we are doing this AGAIN
The house is full of flowers again AGAIN
I have good minutes and bad minutes AGAIN
I have insomnia AGAIN
I have no appetite AGAIN
No one knows what to say AGAIN
I want to runaway AGAIN
The phantom Kicks are back AGAIN
I feel empty AGAIN
Nothing fits AGAIN
I cant stop the tears AGAIN
I look into the face of the man i love and see nothing but pain and loss, and there is nothing i can do to take that away AGAIN
This time is harder, i know what to expect and how hard this is going to be. I dont have the resolve i had last time…with Milo it was head down, get through it, get pregnant.
Now….just fog, no idea where i am, where we are going and what the plan is. Im truly lost and broken and dont know what to do. I dont want to get through this, i just want to stop. I dont know who to be if im not planning a baby, its been my life for 7 years in May.
I know its early days but the person i am needs a plan.
Its harder this time because i MISS her. I love Milo with everything i have but i was on so much morphine, i didnt bond in the same way i did with Millie. I miss the weight of her in my arms, all 15ozs of her, i miss talking to her, i miss planning for her.
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx