Jealousy is a nasty thing and not something i experience regularly. I dont get jealous when it comes to hubby, i have no reason to, we are so commited to each other, i have no reason to be jealous.
Ive always found pregnant women make me jealous, doubly so at the moment. Even though im still active on my forum, some days, like today, something hits me and makes me bitter and angry
I should have been 24 weeks on wednesday. The magic number when baby becomes viable, and the hospital will do everything they can to help a baby survive after this date.
For me its just a pipe dream…something i aspire to, not something i can ever achieve though. Or at least thats how i feel right now.
Why us? Why again? Have we not been through enough, paid our dues?
Why is this happening to us when it seems everyone around me has simple straightforward pregnancies?
How is this fair? We have tried harder and for longer than anyone i know and im still left out in the cold, childless, miserable, and so very jealous.
I do not like being jealous, it makes me into someone im not, bad thoughts cross my mind, horrid things that i dont want to feel, ever.
1 was bad but 2, 2 precious babies taken from me, my life stolen.
42 weeks and 5 days, thats how long in total i have been pregnant…but still i have empty arms.
I write this just to get it out, in case it helps me, it hasnt yet….another bad day on the cards
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx