Today i am not me. Today i am anxious.
I cannot leave the house….the thought fills me with dread, i dont believe anything bad will happen to me or my family but i KNOW i cannot cope with the outside world.
It sucks, i have things to do, i wanted to have my eyebrows threaded and pick up a few bits from Boots for the holiday.
It took me a while to recognise what i was feeling, i knew i was on edge when i woke up but it has developed into anxiety. Even writing about it is making me shakey. I can feel my heartbeat quicken and the sense of fear is increasing.
Problem is, tomorrow, i HAVE to go out. I have to see my Mum and Grandma in leeds, thursday i HAVE to see my GP to renew my sick note and take some clothes back.
My fur babies are in the garden, chasing insects and seem to be enjoying themselves, but i cant even manage the garden today.
I do not want to be crippled by this, its happened before, back in 2005/6, i didnt leave our apartment for weeks at a time back then, when i did i had a full blown panic attack.
I recognise this beast for what it is, and i hope its just a one day thing, and that it will slink off back to its lair later leaving me in peace and able to function. Even though i recognise it and have made the decision to stay indoors, im still an anxious mess.
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx