So its the day before the holiday. Usually a time of excitement, packing, prepping, thinking of all the things youll do over there.
For me, not so. I dont want to do this…i dont want to be able to go on holiday. I want to be pregnant still, i want to be uncomfortable, i want to be huge and i want to know my baby is coming home.
Lately, people have asked, “are you looking forward to your holiday?” I just want to scream at them, i dont want to be able to have a holiday, i dont want to have spent what i saved for nursery furniture and prams on this holiday.
I would literally give anything to be pregnant still.
But here we are, amd im not, this holiday is a necessity, its a way to rebuild our lives, again. But we wont be filled with the fun loving attitude of those around us, instead we will be dealing with some very dark emotions, in a very bright place. This is why we are going away, we are not lucky, we are not to be envied, we are broken and this may go some small way to helping us fix ourselves.
Ive spent the day with a lump in my throat, wondering why. Why again? What did we do to deserve this? There are no answers, there is no reason, there is no comfort, we just have to keep going, for who im not sure, but it seems life itself demands that we push on, regardless.
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx