So, whats your plan?

So, whats your plan?

Today i had to call the GP to extend my sick note. The conversation went a little like this…

‘Id like to extend my sick note please

How long have you had off?

12 weeks

Well whats your plan? The longer you wait the harder it will be to return.

Im really struggling still and havent started counselling yet. An urgent referral has been put in

When and who to?

End of May and family services

You could be waiting months for a referral

I know but combined with anxiety im not ready yet

What do you do

Admin, but at the moment i wouldnt be able to concentrate, manage tasks/workload

Ok well lets increase the antidepressants and see where we go from there’

I got another month….

Since then ive basically had a melt down. Full on panic. I love my job and i do want to go back, but i cant make it round tesco never mind spend 7 hours at work. 

I went to the surgery on friday for some tests, was there maybe 40 minutes and by the time i got out i couldnt remember my way home (i did manage to get home but was really confused on the route). This is not nornal behaviour, considering i live 5 mins from the surgery.

My reaction to the above conversation is also not normal. Im shaking, i cant breathe, im playing out worst case scenarios in my mind, i feel sick, im sweating. I called my bereavement team who have emailed me and stopped me spiralling but im way up there still.  The bereavement team feel the referral should come good in next couple of weeks amd will also speak to my GP. Im very lucky to have their support.  

Its funny how a perfectly innocent conversation can cause absolute panic. I wonder how long it will last….

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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11 thoughts on “So, whats your plan?

  1. Is there any way you can get private counseling sooner? Just to tide you over until the referral goes through? I’m not sure how the system works, but it sounds like you need help sooner than two weeks! I’m so sorry you are struggling so much, although I can completely understand why. Sending hugs to you. Anxiety is an awful beast.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is an awful beast!!!!
      I could access some through work but feel id have to start all over when the nhs one came through, like id be repeating myself. But if its much longer and i cant get more time off ill have no choice!

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  2. Sending hugs Toni. I don’t agree with your dr. This isn’t like the first day of school – there is a very real reason for your anxiety and it’s going to take time. Returning too early will not help IMO. Be resolute – there is strength in knowing that you are not yet strong enough. You will get there but grieving cannot be rushed. I really hope you get a brilliant counsellor who makes you feel understood. Sending much love xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lovely Benita. Thank you so much. I need to make sure im ready, i dont want to go back too soon and crumble. I want to be able to leave the house without freaking out first
      Xxx

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  3. Toni – can’t imagine what you’re going through. I do feel however that it was a very blunt conversation that your gp had with you given the circumstances and that you deserve better care in terms of your wellbeing. A video that I think describes anxiety and depression perfectly (know it’s not depression you have) is the big black dog – by world health organisation on YouTube. Think that I anyone doesn’t understand what you are living with they should watch it. Lots of love sweetheart, and hope that your hubby is doing ok too xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it was rather blunt and over the phone too. Yesterday was very hard, full blown anxiety attack for hours. However, today is better and my bereavement team tell me im top of the list for counselling and will talk with my GP if im met with resistance, so panic adverted for now. Hubby is doing ever so well, im so proud of him. Xxx

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  4. Toni, my heart goes out to you. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard things are for you right now. The only thing I am wondering is why you cannot get into a counsellor sooner? I’m at a loss for how your doctor is not urgently getting you the support you need and want – it simply doesn’t make sense to me. You deserve care now, not in a few months. I’m sorry that you are getting the run around when it comes to your well-being. Sending you love my friend.

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    1. My lovely friend, thank you again for your lovely words. Im now top of the list for counselling and today has been much better despite only 2hrs sleep! My bereavement team have been outstanding again and will help should my GP suggest i return to work before im ready. Hugs coming your way.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am so glad that your bereavement team is being outstanding!! And that you are now at the top of the list for counselling. You deserve great care, and I’m glad you are getting it from some members of your team.

        Liked by 1 person

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