Today was my 1st counselling session. We went through my story, from meeting hubby to losing Millie. It was like a history class, we didn’t explore much as just getting the background. Ive been given some homework to do too, ready for next week.
Now I’m home, I’m feeling really positive today. Ive taken a huge step forward and i really do believe it will help. Thats not to say that today hasn’t been hard.
Insomnia is plaguing me more than usual, one night ill get 6hrs and the next 2. Last night was 4 but i expected to be up as i was anxious about today. My anxiety had me up at 7am and slowly built all day. I left an hr early as I’m fearful of the car park, its mega busy and i thought it’d take ages, it took 20mins, so i had 40mins to kill before the appointment. My coping mechanism in these instances is to talk rubbish with someone who knows me, so i called my brother, Mum is immersed in Wimbledon and her favourite player was on so thought id give her a swerve!!! FYI she loves Tennis and gets very very into it, clapping, shouting, she thinks she is Novak’s coach, its adorable!!
After the session, which overran, I’m chatty when nervous, i was relieved to see the car next to me had moved as in my anxiety filled haze, id parked really badly and wasn’t sure how id get out!
Im really hoping that in the next few weeks, my anxiety becomes manageable again and the counselling stops me feeling so stuck.
Im pushing myself to get out as much as possible, i have to make plans in order to be able to force myself out, so I’ve arranged to see 2 friends this week, take advantage of this weather whilst i can, and try to normalise the outside for myself. Its going to be tough, but today I’m ready to fight back.
Today is the start of something good…i hope. It’ll be fine. It will.
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx