I hate my body…

After i lost Milo, i wrote a piece about how your body can be cruel and trick you into thinking you are pregnant.

Well 5/6 months after my miscarriage, its happening again.

My cycles have been getting progressively shorter, with last month only being 25 days. A very strange and light period caused me worry so on 5th Sept, i tested, BFN.

Well fast forward to today and i was due on but of course, she’s not here. So here i am worrying again

Im so sick of this, i don’t know whether im coming or going.

Im thinking of going on the pill to regulate my cycles before IVF.  I wasn’t going to act on this until January but given i DO NOT WANT a pregnancy just yet, i may start sooner.

Im wondering though, should i be investigated first? Is there something wrong?
Ive never had cycles below 28 days until now, but last month was 25 and month before 27.

I don’t really want to delve into investigations of this nature though as im not sure i could take any more fertility issues.

Arrrrgggghhhhh! Why? Why does this happen? Its so cruel and im sick of it.


Anyway, rant over.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx


23 thoughts on “I hate my body…

  1. I don’t have the answers Toni other than our bodies do this! As soon as I started IVF my cycles started changing just to mess my head up I think! Who knows why. I don’t think it is a reason to be too concerned though. I would try not to go on the pill if you can as even once you come off reminents of the hormones can stay in our systems for a while and make getting pregnant harder. Not for everyone of course. Have a quiet word with your body and hopefully it will start playing ball!
    P.S. Loved the photos of you and your husband in your last post. :/)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you lovely. Thought id share some pics from the yr of me and Mr Toni.

      Im having a bad week tbh and this has just capped it off. I know its not overly serious but i just feel i cant catch a break.

      Im going to talk to my clinic before i decide about the pill, im just looking for someway to be in control lol x


      1. I’m sorry you have had a bad week Toni. Life is so hard sometimes and just when we feel we should have some good luck coming our way something else knocks us off kilta.
        Try not to worry about it – I think lots of women have little changes in their cycle each month but us IVF ladies are so much more in tune to them. Look after yourself lovely. Xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah Toni. It’s a cruel trick. I remember both times we were due for treatment AF arrived early and messed things up. I was actually on holiday and managed to get back for my first injections just in time. So I can’t answer you question fully but wanted to let you know that I think your body can play around with a few days here and there. When I was on holiday I was with a group of girls. We all got our periods so maybe I just synced with them a few days early. Could this have happened to you at work ect? X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmmm maybe to be fair. I was just getting used to short cycles and being early rather than late but in the grand scheme of things its not a big issue. I just dont feel right and have had a bad week so its compounding it.

      Im used to her being late for IVF cycles, its like that is the norm lol xxx


  3. The highs and lows of this particular roller coaster are most certainly crazy making. Cycles can and do change with all sorts of factors. I would just keep and eye on it but prob no need to see anyone before you are ready to get back in the game. You have had a big adjustment of hormones this year. These things can just take time to sort themselves out. Hope your week improves x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I may have jumped the gun as i think shes on her way now. But yes it certainly is crazy making. I really hoped not TTC would relax me but clearly not. Ill do my upmost to go with the flow, pun not intended, until the new year! X

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Are you able to see an acupuncturist (preferably one with a particular interest in fertility or women’s reproductive health) to help correct your wonky cycles before you are ready to try again? Just throwing that out there…

    I’m sorry your body is being belligerent. Could it be trying to tell you something?

    I stopped getting a period altogether when in the depths of disordered (not) eating. I’m surprised you still cycle on your own given the low caloric intake you’ve mentioned. A traditional Chinese medicine doctor or good acupuncturist should be able to help bring your body back into some balance and that might help your feelings too?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Im really surprised that ive always had an af despite becoming incredibly underweight at times. For now my calorie intake is acceptable, probably 1200.
      AF has showed, i think im prone to panic at the moment and this week has been tough for some reason.
      I may look into some fertility related alternative therapies actually.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No. Not unless you get the ones to clear up sinus congestion. Those hurt! The odd needle feels weird and if it does hurt you need to say something as that’s not the intention and the needle should be removed and a new one placed. That’s very rarely happened to me and I’ve seen 8 different acupuncturists in 4 different cities where I’ve had IVF or other fertility treatment over almost 5 years. Even my rather wimpy huz admits it does not hurt. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. One other thing. I find it quite an intimate (meaning personal, almost spiritual, not sexually intimate) treatment so I am picky about who I see and it has to be a good fit so feel free to talk to a few people to find one that you feel comfortable with it connected to in some way whether you know why or just have a feeling. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I having been having acupuncture for the last year and would very much recommend it. I think it is very powerful. I started going for fertility hut often mention other aches and pains along the way and they always get fixed and stop hurting/aching. That’s when I knew it worked as the fertility side is hard to actually feel working. Try and get a recommendation as they do vary. My lady is in Southampton otherwise I would pass the details but guessing u are up north.. Have a good wend. Xx

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m sorry your body is playing tricks on you! I hate when that happens. And i hate the anxiety that creeps in when it happens. I know for me going back on birth control really allowed me to let go of the fear of getting pregnant, so maybe going on the pill (or an alternative form of bc) will help reduce your anxiety?
    Also, I see your conversation with SBCH – I never found that acupuncture did much for me, but I am a giant skeptic. However, I did find the needles to be painless and the afternoon nap was always a welcome break from work. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks MPB. Always appreciate your advice and its only fair to hear both sides. I cant but try it.
      Yeah this fear of getting pg is beginning to criple me i think. Its getting a bit out of hand and is causing huge anxiety. I need to find a way to ease this.


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