Well, that snuck up on me

Well, that snuck up on me

So. In two days i take my last contraceptive pill. Which means next Monday i start stims again. Ive no idea how thats happened, it seemed ages away and now its next week. And we fly 2 weeks tomorrow!!! 😱😱

Ive been telling people im quite scared about this cycle as its my last chance for a biological child. But im not. I feel like i should be. But im not. I discussed this at length with my counsellor yesterday. Im aware of the enormity of this last cycle but i also know we are doing all we can this round and if it doesnt work, it never will. 

Ive got the best team in the world working with me and all the latest technology and techniques thanks to MIL, so after this there is nothing more other than donor, and if we do that, we may as well adopt. And thats the plan.

Im very zen about this cycle. Not going through the motions, as i want it to work, i really do, but im not letting it be my only focus, im going in with ZERO expectations this time, so what will be will be. It feels good.

I view this as a Game of Thrones battle, Battle of the Ba****ds to be specific. PGD is the army that can save us, or we suffocate like Jon Snow nearly did. But we know we will have done all we could and if we lose, we lose with dignity. If youre not a GoT fan, apologies, but you really should be! 

Mr Me is feeling much more positive than i originally thought too. He wants to give it one last try too, with all the extras, so he knows we did all we could and we have no regrets in the future. Hes actually pretty positive itll work because im so zen about it too. Not sure i fully agree with that, yet, as im sticking with the no expectations tactic. He’s also feeling very positive about a potential pregnancy. He says itll be a nerve wracking 9 months, but we could get our rainbow at the end of it, and thatll make it worth it. Hes much more positive than i thought, he seems very balanced about the whole thing. Go Mr Me!!! 

My counsellor does think im protecting myself again, she says im getting good at it, but its no bad thing since ive been through so much, she says. Im always honest with her and throughout the session, she could see i wasnt hiding anything, and that im actually confused by my reaction too. But its working for me. So im going with it. 

Tick tock, not long now!

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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