Well im 5 weeks today.
Since the initial burst of relief and excitement last Saturday when i did my early test, ive essentially shut down emotionally.
Its weird but im struggling to come to terms with the fact im pregnant. I mean im acting pregnant, i.e. doing all the right things, watching what i eat, keeping my fluids up but i just havent accepted im pregnant.
Im not happy or excited but equally im not worried or scared, which i guess is a blessing in disguise.
One one of the groups i admin there was talk of Feotal Reduction and someone likened it to Abortion. That struck a chord, my heart was racing. I still hate that word, it gets to me.
This morning i was quite sad when i got up but id had a bad night with horrid vivid dreams, one of my only symptoms so far, so that combined with the A word last night probably accounts for my mood.
I have asked other TFMR/baby loss mummys if they felt this ‘numbness’ when getting pregnant again, and it does seem a fair few do and they believe its a way to protect themselves from further pain. It does make sense.
Its hard though as everyone around me is sooooo excited for us and im just not feeling it. I smile and nod along, its the polite thing to do but im just not feeling it.
At this point i wouldnt say im finding things hard, its just very different to what i expected.
This weekend has been very relaxed, as per Doctor’s orders. I had my flu jab on Saturday, followed by a nap and a lazy afternoon and then dinner at an Italian.
Today i had my eyebrows threaded, followed by a decaff coffee (which tasted odd) and another lazy afternoon and tonight we are going out for chinese.
The progesterone bloat at the end of the day is pretty horrendous and my stomach is black and blue from the clexane, but all in all everything else is fine. Its a bit early for any other symptoms.
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx