Its My Birthday

Its My Birthday

And the 1st one ive ever been pregnant for so we shall mostly be eating for the next couple of days.

Im 33 now, at 21 i thought 33 was really grown up. Im not grown up at all. Im still 21 in my head. 

What is difficult to comprehend though is how much infertility has impacted on my life.

At 33 i thought id have 2 school aged kids, that i’d be getting my career going again, instead im still chasing that illusive live baby.

My life is wonderful, i love my husband, i have a great job and my cats bring me endless joy. We are getting ready to look into moving to a bigger place and we have a very comfortable lifestyle.

But the gaping hole that is childlessness never leaves me. I cannot see myself without children though i know that it could be a real possibility if we lose the Storm Trooper.

Life isnt what i expected, in some respects its soooo much better, in others im disappointed, lost and grief stricken.

I have amazingly empathetic friends and a wonderful support system though, and im very grateful for it. 

I cannot deny that the last few years have changed me, dramatically, and im actually glad of those changes. Its made me a better person, its taught me whats important and its taught me that its OK to be me.

I still think 33 looks angry though!! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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