So baby loss awareness week ended on Saturday with the Wave of Light. I am thrilled with how many of you shared your candles on my Facebook event. It was so humbling to see so many bereaved parents come together to support one another.
Just because the week is over, doesnt mean ill stop talking about baby loss. Now more than ever i feel we need to keep the conversation going, to break the silence and end the taboo.
My losses are affecting me more than ever due to my new pregnancy. Ive had a lot of worry around how im handling pregnancy number 3.
Today i saw my counsellor for the first time in 3 weeks. She reassured me that remaining in my numb bubble really is for the best at the moment. When i try and step out of that bubble, i become visibly anxious as there is so much to worry about. She saw it happening in the session. She also reminded me that the general populous wont understand my fears as they havent had my journey.
I did explain that although im not excited, i dont stop others being excited for me, its nice to see others enjoy it, even if im not just yet.
I discussed finding out the sex this time, she agreed it might be a good idea to aid in bonding, although to be honest im not at all worried about bonding.
We can find out the sex from 16 weeks. Im not sure when exactly we will find out, we may go for it at 16 weeks, or possibly after a good 20 week scan, or perhaps after the golden 24th week. It all depends on when we are ready to know.
Im still not able to look too far forward either, i know ill be 12 weeks pregnant in 4 weeks but no idea which month or the date that lands on. Ive no idea when ill be 21 weeks and nor do i want to know, bit of an issue as ive promised Mr Me and Mum ill book that week off work, eeek. I dont even know when the golden 24th week is, honestly couldnt tell you.
Ive no desire to forward plan, just in case. Im not booked in with the midwives and dont know when my 12 week/dating/combined testing scan is. Its all in the hands of my bereavement team who are very capable, so im just not worrying about any of it.
Meanwhile im now 8 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
I weigh 8st 5lb as of this morning
My symptoms are
Eating, weight gain, vivid dreams and thats it folks…
By 5 weeks in my last pregnancy i was exhausted, that hasnt hit as yet. Not fully anyway. I was quite tired this weekend but ive got a lot on, on top of the pregnancy. Im having to go to a tribunal over my Mum’s benefit as she has been completely mis-assessed, she is losing her motability car next month rendering her housebound, meaning i need to source a new car for very little money ASAP. Essentially life is a bit nuts at the moment.
Im still on a fair few meds; aspirin, pregnancy multivitamins, progesterone pessaries, estrogen tablets and the dreaded blood thinning jab, Clexane. I stupidly rushed the Clexane jab on Saturday night and this is the result:
Ive never had a bruise inside my tummy button before!!!
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx