We threw Little T a first birthday party on Sunday. We had a day to prepare, having only landed from Majorca the early hours of Saturday morning, but it was lovely.
We got him a little trike, which he loves
Lots of his little friends came, and the weather was beautiful so we took to the garden where they played in the ball pool, watched bubbles, and ate yummy food (most of which i made!)
The cake was amazing, thanks again to The Purple Apron
Gorgeous and yummy too.
It was a perfect day. Exactly how i hoped it’d be. Although, I’m still in disbelief i have a one year old!!!
The holiday and the weekend did throw up some questions though
Do i really want another baby? Am i ready to IVF in September?
A friend brought me some of the meds ill need to IVF and it made me think. Do i really want to go through the emotional roller coaster that is IVF so soon?
I was talking to a friend on Monday, who has a friend who went through IVF and NEEDED a sibling. She felt she now knew, having had one, what she was missing out on and needed to do it again.
I don’t NEED a sibling. I love that i can focus all my energy on Little T. We have such fun together, bringing another baby into the situation would most definitely change the dynamic. I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I’m not sure Little T is.
I feel as though, because we will be in Cyprus anyway, its the easy option to cycle again, but i don’t want it enough. I know we would MANAGE, people do, but I’m not sure i want to manage, i just want to enjoy my family as it is. The logistics scare me, shopping with a new born and a toddler, attending Little T’s groups, splitting my focus, the list goes on
Another friend said ”you’ve hit the jackpot, do you really want to gamble again”
Little T is so healthy, he didn’t get my asthma, or Mr Me’s blood condition. He’s a lovely baby, so social, so happy, so relaxed.
Right now, I’m thinking we won’t cycle, but, that means no closure. Whilst those frosties are over there, the journey isn’t over. There’s always the possibility of doing more cycles…i kinda want it over now. My life for the last however many years has been IVF-centric, and I’d like to end the chapter but the thought of destroying the embryos worries me, i may want a sibling in the future and i know i CANNOT do another fresh cycle.
Its a bloody dilemma. I think about this everyday, I’m anxious about making the right decision, worried Little T will be lonely if i don’t give him a sibling. I worry if i wait another couple of years, my health will fail, that ill be too tired to be pregnant again, too tired to go through sleepless nights, whilst also managing a toddler, it just goes round and round my head.
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to leave it up to nature?!
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx