Today marks the end of babyloss awareness week. For those of us unlucky enough to have experienced babyloss, everyday is awareness day.
It lives with you. Even if you have a sunshine baby (before a loss) and/or rainbow baby (after a loss) you never forget your angel baby/ies.
People expect you to move on, to get over it, but how do you say goodbye to someone you never met? How do you stop wondering what you missed?
My favourite part of this years campaign has been what to say and what not to say to someone going through babyloss.
The amount of shitty things that were said to me after both losses was insane. I was the one grieving and yet i had to smile and nod at the downright awful and often stupid things people said to me. I was often reminded people were ‘just trying to help’ but they were hurting me even more.
So, here is a list of what NOT to say
- Everything happens for a reason
- At least you know you can get pregnant
- Try not to dwell on it
- It was early, dont think of it as a baby
- Its just a heavy period
- You need to look to the future
- Its time to move on
Things you SHOULD say/do
- Im sorry for your loss
- Its ok to cry
- Im here for you
- Use the baby’s name in conversation
- Dont shy away from talking about the loss
- I wish i could do more to help
- The pain will get easier to live with
- You need to grieve
So here are my candles for my angels, surrounding my rainbow. They will burn for the next hour as part of the worldwide wave of light.
I also have a more permanent reminder of my angels
Mr Me designed this for me 10 years ago. I kept meaning to get it done but life and IVF and loss got in the way.
After Little T was born I added the colour for Milo and Millie and the 3, for the 3 T’s (me, hubby and little T)
I couldnt be more pleased with it.
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx