The desperation. The hoping i won’t come on. The praying we get lucky.
Already! We don’t cycle til September and I’m already obsessed.
Ugh! This is what IVF does. It seeps into every corner of your life. Makes you crazy. Makes you feel inadequate.
Roll on September and i hope we get a BFP as i will not be cycling again. We plan to defrost all the embryos so there is no second attempt at a sibling. IVF has been part of our lives for 7 years and we NEED to move on.
I know its the right thing to do. I know I’m so lucky to have Little T. I also know ill be devastated if it doesn’t work. So between now and then, i need to prepare myself, so I’m not broken if it doesn’t work.
In the mean time, there’s the MS diagnosis to contend with. I’ve got many symptoms going on. It started with a numb tongue for 10 days. 2 weeks later my right side went numb for about 3 weeks.
Its progressed to:
- Lack of control in right arm and leg
- Fine motor skills encumbered, can’t butter toast, put a key in the lock, stir a cup of tea etcetera.
- Slurred speech
- Balance affected
I’ve had a brain scan via MRI and I’m awaiting an appointment with a specialist. The symptoms seem to get worse with each ‘episode’ they progress quicker and last longer. I’ve had enough.
To top it all of off, my GP wants to review my anti depressants with a view to reducing them.
The appointment is next week and I’m anxious and scared. I’m not ready and i plan to tell him this and fight to stay on my current dose.
So, there’s a lot going on and I’m having some down days. I can’t even have a glass of wine as i can’t handle it, probably due to my rubbish brain, i just get stupidly drunk and make a fool of myself!
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx
PS sorry about the i’s M 😉