Tag: growing up

Growing up so fast

Growing up so fast

Little T pulled up today!! Given he couldn’t weight bear last week, it was a bit of a shock. I’ve been putting him on his feet but he didn’t seem interested, until today when he casually crawled over to a soft play shape and did this…

Look at him grow….

Where’s my baby gone?

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Anxiety is Motherhood

Anxiety is Motherhood

This weekend has been full of new experiences…

Little T got his 1st cold and a cough. (Think im now getting the cold too!!!)

Luckily my Mum was here to keep me calm and Calpol was administered, Little T was OK and nothing awful happened! We even managed a trip to the pub. 

#badmum haha

Today, as he is nearly 16 weeks, we put Little T down upstairs for the 1st time.

Id put the baby monitor stuff away believing there was no way i could let him sleep in a different room to us. But here he is in the crib in our room…

Thankfull for technology!

Im managing, just. Its hard, seeing him on a screen rather than peering into his moses basket but i think its for the best. We both have to get used to it. Ive managed not to put the sensor mat on too, but only because i can see him breathing on screen!! 

And he is fine. He went to sleep after half an hour and a few pop ins from Mr Me and I. He is non the wiser, away in dreamland! 

Big steps though. Im kinda super proud of myself! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Its My Birthday

Its My Birthday

And the 1st one ive ever been pregnant for so we shall mostly be eating for the next couple of days.

Im 33 now, at 21 i thought 33 was really grown up. Im not grown up at all. Im still 21 in my head. 

What is difficult to comprehend though is how much infertility has impacted on my life.

At 33 i thought id have 2 school aged kids, that i’d be getting my career going again, instead im still chasing that illusive live baby.

My life is wonderful, i love my husband, i have a great job and my cats bring me endless joy. We are getting ready to look into moving to a bigger place and we have a very comfortable lifestyle.

But the gaping hole that is childlessness never leaves me. I cannot see myself without children though i know that it could be a real possibility if we lose the Storm Trooper.

Life isnt what i expected, in some respects its soooo much better, in others im disappointed, lost and grief stricken.

I have amazingly empathetic friends and a wonderful support system though, and im very grateful for it. 

I cannot deny that the last few years have changed me, dramatically, and im actually glad of those changes. Its made me a better person, its taught me whats important and its taught me that its OK to be me.

I still think 33 looks angry though!! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx