Tag: hope

He’s still here!

He’s still here!

He hasnt been taken off us, nothing bad has happened. Little T is still here. And it still hasnt sunk in!!

My breastfeeding guilt is fading fast now as my supply has gone. Its reassuring to know that when im in my lavender bath soothing my sore bits, and he stirs, Mr Me can take over.

There is more control with a bottle too, i know exactly how much he is taking which plays into my control freak personality perfectly.

Apparantly he is still a bit Jaundice meaning he has been referred to the prolonged jaundice clinic tomorrow. Mr Me and I then had a #badparentmoment where we questioned what we did wrong. 2 hours later the midwife came round and said the health visotor who referred him was being overly cautious. To me he looks whiter than ever and his eyes are less yellow today than yesterday too. Ill keep him in daylight as much as possible today but with plenty of wet and dirty nappies going on im really hoping we get discharged at his appointment tomorrow.

Im not the parent i thought id be. I thought id freak out the minute he squeaked but i dont, im calm even when hes really shouting and ive impressed myself. 

My fear of SIDS is lessening. It never actually crippled me as much as i thought it would. The sensor pad is a massive reassurance and as im awake 22 hours of the day anyway….

I jest, im getting better with sleeping. I can crash in the afternoon when hes asleep in his moses basket sometimes and Mr Me and I are taking the nights in shifts so we both get a few hours of good sleep each.

The sleep deprivation is getting easier to manage now too. My pain is subsiding which is allowing me to relax more, and i can drive again!!!!! This really helps with my anxiety as i love to drive and it gives me a huge sense of control. Im a terrible passenger and i think Mr Me is secretly glad i can drive myself about again too.

We, as a 3, have been fairly busy. Little T had 3 photoshoots last week (meant to be 2 but was wide awake for one of them so had to go back) and weve also been out to the pub twice and to the Trafford Centre. Going to the TC was a massive thing for me. For years ive watched new Mums push their babies around in gleaming prams and wondered if itd ever be me. And then it was and it made me so proud.

I am very proud and very protective of Little T. I think hes amazing and i stare at him for hours without realising. When he fixes on me with his big eyes and i talk to him, its wonderful. But still no rush of love so to speak. Ive no doubt itll come though, the instincts are there, i just need to get over my fear that something will take him away from us. It is lessening day by day i think but after 8 years there is a lot to wade through before reaching the other side.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Induction Update #3

Induction Update #3

So, still here. For about 4hrs after the pessary im in constant pain with irregular contractions, this then tapers off into nothing no matter how much i pace and squat.

After 6hrs on the move ive given in and had a lie down. This has led to the pain easing but possibly more regular contractions. I now get a break between pains which is nice.

Next check in an hour and im hoping my cervix has shortened and dilated even 0.5cm!!! 

Wish me luck

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

You’re Welcome, Anytime

You’re Welcome, Anytime

We moved house!!!! It wasnt plain sailing, we completed late in the day due to my buyers money going missing when it was transferred to us. This caused a few hours delay which then upset the removal people and stressed out Mr Me. 

I on the otherhand, had a lovely time at my pedicure, buying paint and having lunch with my Mum.

Around 3.30pm we got the call to say all monies had transferred and we were able to collect keys. Cats were bundled into boxes and i took them, with Mum to get the keys then on to the new house. From then on it was plainer sailing thankfully.

Despite doing as little as possible, i was flat out exhausted for 2 days following the move. I ached all over, was exhausted but struggled to sleep. We missed dinner with our NCT friends as i just didnt have the energy.

Having said all that, it was TOTALLY worth it. I LOVE my new house, the area, everything. Im so so pleased we moved before baby arrived as despite only being here 5 days, 3 of the 4 rooms that need decorating are done and everything should be in place by next weekend before my induction.

This is largely thanks to M the decorator, J, my Mum and Bro and L, Mr Me’s Mum. Everyone has really pulled together to get things unpacked, boxes taken away to the tip and to make the house liveable. I couldnt be more grateful. I have found it quite frustrating that i cant help as much as id like to, but at 8 months gone, its difficult to sit up on my own, never mind unpack a box!!

I MADE IT TO FULL TERM!!!!!!!! 

Yesterday marked 37 weeks of pregnancy. I dont think i ever thought we would get to this point, but here i am sporting a rather large bump with a fully cooked baby inside. OMG

 As thrilled as i am, im also so done with being pregnant now. Hats off to ladies who make it to 40 weeks and beyond, i dont know how they do it. Im tired of needing help to sit up, to stand, of my feet being so swollen they dont in fit any shoes. Im tired of waddling, of peeing all the time, of aching after 5 minutes of activity. Im sick of worrying about whether he is moving enough, of not being able to bend my fingers without being in pain, of my clothes not fitting.

Im ready to meet him, to know hes safe, to be a Mummy. Ive 6 days to go until we start induction but i know those 6 days are going to be a lifetime. Dont get me wrong, im hugely grateful to have reached this point, i just want him here in my arms and my body back.

I felt the need to get organised yesterday as a distraction, so a few baby things were built

His Moses Basket and Stand. Coverlet for decoration only!!
His Swing Chair. Ive no idea how to put him in, thank god for instruction booklets!!
His Pram 😍 Please ignore the boxes, we need a bookcase!!

I do feel better having a few items assesmbled but conversely, worry im tempting fate. Even at this late stage i do see it as 6 days in which things can go wrong. Which is sad and another reason i want him here, in the world, where i can keep an eye on him

After a little practice with the pram, ive collapsed it and stored it, just in case, old wives tale, but its bad luck to have wheels in the house before baby arrives. 

The lounge however is looking very family like with moses basket and swing in situ. Mr Me and I were marvelling at how far we have come last night. Its been a LONG 8 years, but we’ve nearly made it.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Moving on up

Moving on up

We finally have a move date!!! We get the keys after the bank holiday, 11 days before my induction. Talk about pushing it.

We found out Tuesday we would be moving in 7 days!!! Thankfully i perform well under pressure and have arranged the removal firm who will also pack, contacted near enough everyone about change of address, arranged for utilities to be transfered, set up a mail redirection service, researched GPs and Vets.

Ive got us both a new dentist too near our new home. We both have new patient appointments, when the little dude is here!!!! It was so strange as we were talking about baby sitting duties on the day, because you know, WE WILL ACTUALLY HAVE A BABY!!!!!

Im already a little anxious about leaving him but im putting it to the back of my mind and reminding myself it will be good for both Mr Me and I to get out and about following his birth on our own, i have a PM appointment and Mr Me has an AM appointment so childcare wont be an issue…unless i crack and take him with me!! 

Ive arranged for family and friends to help with the move and im even hopeful i can get the decorating done in time! My white goods are ordered and arriving the day after the move, my bed and nursery furniture arrive the following week. I know what colour themes im having in the rooms that need decorating, ive got Feliway to keep the cats calm once they get there as well as new catnip toys so they dont hate me too much.

Do you think they can smell the cat nip?! Hehe

Wardrobe boxes arrived last night and watching Mr Me assemble one was hysterical πŸ˜‚ DIY isnt his thing bless him. Splash enjoyed the finished product though…

We finally exchanged contracts this afternoon…for a while it didnt look like it would happen due to issues with my buyer, and the people we are buying from, but with minutes left on the clock, it all came good.

I love a project but the downside is my overactive brain at night. Between little dude partying til 3am and the cogs turning about what else needs doing, ive not slept well all week. In fact at 1am this morning i was online shopping for blankets and nappies (all of which is getting delivered to the new house, eeeep!). Im luckily OK on minimal sleep and its all good practice but being able to lie in is great!!!

The baby partying til all hours is also very welcome as he had a couple of quiet-ish days which is always a worry, but hes back at full speed now.

Im so big i now have to eat at a table, i used to eat off my knee, then a lap table, but this is no longer do-able due to the massive bump!!! Instead, I sit in the corner of the lounge feeling sorry for myself!

I got measured and bought my 1st nursing bras today. The lady who measured me said she thought the bump had dropped a bit, i think she was being kind really. He still feels high, im starting to get very occassional pressure down low, but as im not a first time mum its likely he wont engage until im in labour probably!!  

Im still feeling good about the induction, no worries really other than being bored, i think ill buy monopoly just to be safe. Having said that, i cannot imagine that in just over 2 weeks there will be an actual human that we have created, who is utterly dependent on us to survive. Bump definitely doesnt equal baby yet!!! 

15 days until planned induction

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx 

Freak out

Freak out

Last weekend i had my 1st major melt down of the pregnancy. I was 34 weeks so think i did pretty well.

We had been to see the new, now vacant house, and my urge to nest kicked in. Sadly we still dont have a firm date although it could now be as early as Friday.

I got very anxious and Mr Me tried to reason with me. Reasoning with anxiety is like catching water in your hand, you cant really do it.

Instead of seeing his logic, i felt attacked and as though i was being unreasonable. Which i was. I wanted a date to work towards, which i cant have as nothing is certain yet. Anyway, it resulted in an argument between Mr Me and I. We rarely argue so its always weird when we properly fall out.

I felt so unorganised and had no idea what we had for baby etc. Being a control freak this didnt work well for me, so i demanded Mr Me get all the baby stuff out of storage so i could see what we had.

I instantly felt better, despite the fact i cannot build a nursery. I just needed to know we are prepared. Over the course of 3 pregnancies it turns out we are pretty damned prepared. Our current box room is now a mass of boxes and bags of baby things. There is a suitcase full of clothes and apart from a changing station we have everything we need…i think.

Since seeing everything and ordering the last few things (crib and mattress) i have felt a lot calmer and more zen about the whole moving process. Mr Me however has been getting increasingly frustrated at the lack of communication. Seems ive rubbed off on him. He’s been amazing though and called estate agents and solicitors almost daily and finally got told yesterday that our buyers solicitor is just waiting on the hard copy of the mortgage offer and then we are good to go. 

We hope to complete and exchange next friday but until i get firm dates im not booking anything or putting things in boxes!! 

We also had another growth scan this week. Baby is estimated to be 6lbs now!!! Thats a gain of nearly 2lbs in 3 weeks, little chubster!! Everything is measuring as it should, and finally saw evidence that he is indeed a boy!! We were told that after 35 weeks (today) if i were to go into labour they wouldnt stop it. This prompted a slight panic buying pj session and all 3 hospital bags being packed

My hospital bag but Mr Me and Baby are done too. Very real!!

Since starting our TTC journey 8 years ago, my Mum has always wanted to go and see The Jeremy Kyle Show whilst i was on maternity leave. Yesterday that finally became a reality….

We are massive fans of the show and are not afraid to say it. We had a wonderful time there despite a few hiccups (i forgot the tickets only remembering when we had parked up, so we had to go home again, it was a close call) 

It was amazing to finally tick off something on the pregnancy bucket list, something i wasnt sure we would ever get to do.

Over the course of the week, my maternity photographs have been appearing online on the photographers facebook page. So here they are….

I think the photographer has done an amazing job and i cant wait to get the prints back!!! 

3 weeks until planned induction…

Love Little Miss PMA xxx

A subdued Mothers Day.

A subdued Mothers Day.

Happy Mothers Day to all the Mummies, Mummies to be and Angel Mummies out there πŸ’πŸŒΉπŸ₯€πŸŒΊπŸŒ»πŸŒΌ

Today also happens to be Millie’s 2nd anniversary which did put a dampner on the day.

Ill be honest. I dont see myself as a Mummy yet. Ive given birth but havent had anyone to Mother yet so i find today a bit weird. Mr Me let slip yesterday that he had bought me a gift from bump…

I explained that i wasnt comfortable with celebrating Mothers Day without a child to actually parent. Im also slightly worried about jinxing our current pregnancy. Which is silly i know, but im still waiting for things to go wrong. Even this close to the end.

I visited my Mum today though and we stayed at her house, chatting and looking at baby clothes online. I seem to freak out less looking online, not that i bought anything though. πŸ™ˆ

Ive finally resolved to start using my hospital due date which is a day ahead of my IVF due date. This means that today im 33weeks and 1day or 33+1. The little dude could be here in the next 7 weeks. OMG. 🀀😲

Excuse the roll of chub on my back…im 3lbs off a 4 stone weight gain now so definitley a chub chubster.

This week marks the start of a very busy period! I have my first NCT (antenatal) class on Wednesday, another growth scan on Thursday, im seeing Russell Howard on Friday and its my first Baby Shower on Saturday.

The house buying is coming along. The searches on the new house threw up a few queries so we are looking to get those answered. Our buyer has finally had his valuation done so should be able to progress with more speed. Hopefully, we are still on track to move mid-late April. I seriously hope its not pushed back as that would result in me being dangerously close to giving birth and not having everything i want in place!!!! 

Fingers crossed.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

3 years…

3 years…

Today marks 3 years since we lost Milo. After a 36 hour labour he was born sleeping on this day in 2014.

Im ok. Im aware of what today is. Ive been aware since 1st March. I hate March. 

Im more anxious i think, im constantly willing the little dude to move today. Ive planned distractions but i cant deny my anxiety is up to a 7 roughly.

Time is a great healer. I wont deny. The gaping hole he left is now much more manageable. I still miss him. Still wonder about him. 

But im a pragmatist. I try so hard to think about the future and focus on what is good. Things are really good, 29 weeks pregnant, and buying a beautiful house.

Life isnt fair, what we have been through has been horrific but it was crumble or survive, and human nature pushes for survival.

Ive already been out and about today and seen a lovely rainbow despite it not raining. Im trying to find reassurance in that rainbow, but im worrying overly about the little dude.

So….29 weeks!!! Oh my word. Im shocked im still pregnant. The 3rd trimester is just so alien to me. As im currently ahead of the game in regards to the house move, and baby showers, i do focus more on the pregnancy which is anxiety inducing. 

Im looking forward to the end of March as i start antenatal classes, my baby showers are in early April, we will hopefully move mid/late April, all of which will stop mind assuming the worst all the time.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

28+4 Growth Scan

28+4 Growth Scan

Today we saw the little dude today for the 1st time in forever, well, 5 weeks!! 

I had my pre term clinic cervical scan 1st, its 3cm and closed so ive been signed off from that clinic now!! Woohoo. No more dates with the dildocam!! 

Then we moved onto the growth scan. He has a huge head (to me, for pushing out. HC is 285mm!!), big tummy and average thigh bone length. 

His estimated weight as of today is 3lbs 1oz. He’s huge!!! 

This is him with his face turned to the camera and arms up by his chin

My amniotic fluid levels are normal, my placenta still posterior and high with normal structure and blood flow to baby and placenta are excellent.

Essentially im text book. WOW!!! 

He has gone from the 46th centile to the 67th centile but all tracking well so no concerns! 

I had routine bloods done, my blood pressure and urine are fine. All in all im physically fine. Next scan is in 3 weeks.

After the exams i had a chat with V. I had 2 worries today.

1 – not being on a ward after the birth. I really think my anxiety will spike if im surrounded by other Mums and Babies. I dont sleep well at the best of times and being on a ward means i wouldnt sleep at all. I really want to establish breastfeeding if i can before leaving and i think id be too flustered in a ward. I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it.

V said that when we do my birth plan she will pop all the above down and recommend a private room if there is one available. I totally understand that other Mummies may need it more than me though so its not a gurantee, but she said the ward will try really hard. So thats 1 anxiety down

2 – i dont want to go over 40 weeks. We know exactly when i concieved and placentas arent made to last forever and i worry about it failing after 40 weeks.

V said that ill most likely be induced at 38 weeks as that really is term and research shows its a good time for baby to be born. This will be brought forward if there are concerns, but it was music to my ears. We will firm up at date nearer the time but looks like the little dude will be here within the next 10 weeks. Eeeeep. Its actually more like 9 weeks on saturday….

SINGLE FIGURES!!!! 

So that was my morning! Exciting, nerve wracking, scary but good scary,  stuff.

Mr Me has now emailed our solicitor to see if we can speed up the house move too as we are currently set to move late April with baby now due mid May.

Its all go go go

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

I nearly gave up…

I nearly gave up…

When we started this journey nearly 8 years ago, we never imagined it would be so long, so hard or so heartbreaking. 

I remember for the 1st 6 months or so it was fun and just meant having more sex. Then it became all about timing and not so fun anymore. Even through the investigations i never really thought there would be an issue with either of us.

Clomid would be the answer. Its a horrid medication that made me feel so hormonal and under the weather but it would work. After 6 months, with no monitoring, it was IVF time. I now know it was prescribed just to allow us to jump a hurdle and get on the IVF pathway.

IVF is a game changer. It affecrs every part of your life. It takes over. You dont stop trying naturally despite knowing there is a 0.01% chance itll happen for you. So the mechanical sex on top of the stress of waiting for the ivf appointments, whilst also trying every fad diet and old wives tale is really fun. Not. Then you deal with the people who say ‘relax, itll happen’ or ‘its just not your time yet’ and have to be polite and smile rather than bitch slapping them, because we do live in a civilised society after all and it wouldnt be proper.

When you finally get going, 6 months after the original appointment where you found out you both have fertility issues, despite being told everything was ok during the investigations, you, as the woman, are pumped full of hormones, whilst your partner can only watch on in disbelief as you get angry in a second or complain how swollen you are inside.

After egg collection youre told your number, the number of eggs they artificially pulled out of you and you live or die by this number. Only then to realise you are fairly unwell, cant stand or walk and throwing up everywhere. Youve developed OHSS, a life threatening illness only IVF ladies can get. What a club to be in. But you battle through it, not wanting to admit to how poorly you are lest it delay the cycle because in just over 2 weeks you will be pregnant.

The daily updates see those precious numbers dwindle, 23 collected, 13 fertilised, what happened to the other 10 bastard eggs i pumped myself full of drugs for? Eh?? But youre assured its ok and normal. By day 5 after collection there are 3 left in the running. 3. 20 have failed. Meaning we have failed. 1 is put back despute the environment (my uterus) not being ideal and you are sent away to manage for 17 days with no contact.

You analyse everything, every sneeze, every hiccup, noticing you tan faster than normal. This has to be it. I will be pregnant. Until you bleed bang on the day you were due on. 5 pissing days before test day. It failed. I failed. My body failed.

Luckily the other 2 embryos were frozen so you have 2 more chances. But the wait for treatment is horrendous. Youre told 3 months but its actually 6 before they can fit you in. This time you have to down regulate your body, put it through the menopause. 5 long weeks of injections, tablets, headaches, mood swings, and hot sweats. Only to be told your uterine lining is too thin and they are cancelling the cycle. I failed. Again. I cried for 8 hours that day.

6 months later and you do it all again. Same result. But no tears this time. Failure is becoming the norm now. Instead you are just angry at the whole proccess, at yourself. At the world.

You watch your friends have their babies, it breaks your heart everytime but you are over joyed for them and devestated its not you. You still hope at this point though.

The powers that be discuss your case, amongst themselves, not with you. They decide to try a non medicated cycle. You agree to anything. 17 days of early morning blood tests and finally ovulation is detected. But your lining is only 5mm. They want to cancel. You beg your nurse to put your case forward to the powers that be in the afternoon briefing, explaining youd rather have a chance than nothing at all. That your mental health is suffering and its either transfer MY embryo or a stint in the Priory.

They agree but warn you repeatdly you are wasting a chance. But it works. Then there is The Story of Milo (see 3rd ever blog) 

After a loss like that, all you want is to be pregnant again. Your body aches for what has been snatched from it. We tried naturally again whilst we waited for our turn to try with our last frozen embryo. Youre meant to be your most fertile after a loss. But youre not that lucky. Of course youre not.

6 months and we try again. Same as before. It worked before it can work again. But it doesnt. And you are left with nothing but a wait to confirm when you can start the whole damn proccess again.

But i cant wait. I need to be pregnant now. You investigate clinics abroad. Something you never dreamt of doing or needing to do. And you find that one clinic that feels right. You just know its the clinic for you. Personal loans, flights, accomodation, drugs all sorted in 6 weeks or less. Its so different and daunting but this is your chance. You get there and within minutes know you made the right decision. It doesnt matter that you cant eat or drink as your body is having some sort of weird reaction to something (turns out boling the water doesnt kill the bugs but you wont figure that out for a long time yet) you know this is the clinic that will get you pregnant.

They do too. And its wonderful. And despite many hiccups, the baby is healthy and for 9 days you feel nothing but bliss. This is our time. This is our baby. But out of nowhere, the baby is gone. Eerily timed so that you lose that baby 54 weeks after losing the 1st baby, at the same number of weeks gestation. 

And it breaks you. Mentally its too much. You try to get on, try to be normal, try to be ok. But youre not. Not at all. You know you cant face trying again anytime soon and you think by having that year out, by going to creamfields, to disneyland paris and to Australia, you are healing, body and mind. Until your mind craps out on you the week before Australia and you have another breakdown. Except you dont know you are having it until its pointed out by a colleague. How embarrassing.

Being on the other side of the world with your bestie and hubby does the trick. You reconnect with your hubby and realise you are not alone. That anxiety monster just told you you were. You drink everyday with your bestie who oozes positivity, and it rubs off. You can do this. You are ready to try again. 

So you fly out to that fab clinic that gave you that healthy baby knowing this is it. Until your hormones dont play ball and you cant transfer. You mope for 2 days. Not anticipating a freeze all cycle but you bounce back, have a holiday and feel pretty smug you have 7 to feeeze. But you need to keep going. You are back in the ivf mindset after 14 months off and you struggled through stimulation this time. So much so you dont ever want to stim again. 

So you fly out again the folliwing month, leaving hubby at home and taking Mum instead. Another villa, another hire car, another week out of work. The meds make you poorly but you carry on. You keep up the PMA. They transfer 4 of the 7 and you fly home the next day. Already pretty sure it hasnt worked. You just dont have ‘the feeling’ but you try to get through the 2 week wait with positivity until you test the day before bloods and see the whitest of white test staring back at you.

And you give up. Its all over. You had your 2 chances and it didnt work out. Youve used up all your luck. You wont be a mummy to your biological children. The hope after 8 cycles over 4 years has run out. If the amazing clinic you put all your faith in cant do it, no one can.

But they, the clinic, offer you a life line and youd be stupid not take it. It means stimming again which you REALLY dont want to do. So you decide if youre going to do it, youre throwing everything at it. You borrow money from parents to pay for this last shot, to ‘kitchen sink’ it. You dont believe itll work. Youre doing it to say you tried everything, so you walk away knowing you gave it your best shot. Time has taught you that life isnt fair and now you are ready to accept that. You do it for hubby, you do it for the potential grandparents but deep down you know its game over.

So you fly out for the 3rd time in 4 months. You know this town you stay in like the back of your hand now, sat nav no longer required. And you go to the appointments and be your cheery self and you meet the other patients and tell them it will work and that they have chosen the best clinic ever. Because they have, they dont need to know that i have used up all my luck, that my body has failed me, that ill never be a Mummy.

And you go through the motions and you have the transfer, even realising its been your best cycle yet and the numbers didnt dwindle too much and that you made 6 healthy embryos, 4 of which are inside you making you a bit crampy. But you dare not dream.

And you come home and you have ‘the feeling’ but the doubts creep in and you are so so scared to get your hopes up. But eventually you crack. You test earlier than ever before, and there they are, 2 pink lines. It actually bloody worked. It was worth the Β£20k you spent over those 4 months just to see those 2 pink lines.

Then you realise you have to actually get past 21 weeks gestation this time and that doesnt seem possible. You spend the 1st 12 weeks numb, especially when you start bleeding in week 10, but at your 12 week scan you fall in love with that baby on the screen. You continue to bleed and be in and out of EPU almost weekly so you spend the next couple of weeks petrified youll lose that baby you now love.

And then the bleeding stops suddenly, but you cant relax as youre now counting down to that fateful 21st week. You increase your counselling sessions to deal with the anxiety but you dare not hope for the best. And you have your anomaly scan and baby is perfect, like the last one. So you still dont hope. And then its week 21 and you are strangely calm. Something feels different this time. You cant explain it but you make it to week 22. And then week 24, youve a viable baby on board for the 1st time ever. And you are elated but cautious. Then you hit 26 weeks, 27, its a miracle.

Today im 28 weeks. Thats the 3rd trimester. 12 weeks until term. Hes a real chance of surving now. And im over the moon and cant quite believe we made it.

And i nearly gave up, i nearly didnt have the cycle that created this precious life inside of me. I was so hurt, so broken, i didnt think it’d happen for me.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Hormones….!!!Β 

Hormones….!!!Β 

Next week ill be in the 3rd trimester….where did that come from??? 91 days until the end of the pregnancy….how did that happen? !!

All seems to be well with the little dude, he appears to have gone back to being transverse after being breach. Hes kicking up a storm, lots of tummy moving kicks!! 

He seems to know the new house is for him as he kicks lots when we talk about it, he doesnt like me wearing anything too tight now so im having to overhaul my wardrobe somewhat.

I honestly thought maternity items lasted until term but ive put on so much weight, i need bigger sized tops and bottoms, Dresses are ok as they stretch but im not really a dress kinda gal so im having to get used to wearing them. Im also wearing trainers with everything…luckily i have a very colourful collection of trainers πŸ™ˆ 

Sleeping is getting more difficult as my hips get so sore and nothing seems to help. I quite often wake 4 or 5 times a night. Im dreaming a lot more again, and they can be weird so that then wakes me in the early hours. Then i panic if hes not moving so im wide awake!!! And on we go.

Today im hormonal as balls. We were meant to see the new house to take new pictures, but there must have been a mix up, no estate agent and no current owners!! I was really looking forward to it so it put a dampner on my day, one im struggling to shake.

We had lunch at what will be our local and then popped to Mothercare to look at cribs. I found out my baby monitor of choice, wont work with a moses basket (the sensor pad wont work) so i need a hard based crib. Ive found one that i like though so thats good.

Ive come home and got into bed, im writing the rest of the day off. Ive put together a wishlist on mothercare so i know what i need in future.

Ive also realised i really really dont need anymore clothes up to 1 month/10lbs as i have loads!! 

What i do need to do is stop buying baby bits until we move/after the baby showers. If i leave it too long i get antsy and think im not being organised enough, but i really do have time still. And i need to save money!!! I will need to pay off the travel system soon but again not until the end of March.

Tomorrow we are sorting out a survey on the new house. The mortgage valuation has been done, and i think we passed, its hard to say from the way its written but i think we are good to go on the mortgage front.

Still, the baby is fine and thats what matters. Im glad we have a scan at 28 weeks though as im starting to get a bit anxious as ive not seen him since 23 weeks!! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx