Tag: male factor

NHS Funded IVF

NHS Funded IVF

There has been a lot of press recently regarding whether or not the NHS should fund IVF. 

Many CCGs have cut all funding and all but 3 of those that do provide IVF do not provide the recommended 3 cycles.

Funded IVF has become dependant on postcode. The ability to access IVF is now wealth based, not need based.

Ive been following articles regarding this subject on facebook. Reading the comments has either made my blood boil or made me weep…

‘Infertility isnt life threatening’. No, but the side effects (depression being a big one) are.

‘Infertility isnt an illness.’ Yes it is. Something doesnt work that should meaning a baby cannot be made the traditional way.

‘Having a child is a choice’. Nope. I NEEDED to be a Mummy. I NEEDED a biological child.

‘IVF shouldnt be funded as fostering/adoption is a better alternative.’ No. Simply not true. As above, for some, if not most, having a biological child isnt just a want, its a need.

‘If you cant afford IVF you shouldnt have children. Plain and simple’. By that logic there should be no child benefit, no child/working tax credits. If you lose your job your child should be taken away and given to a family who can afford them. In fact, unless you earn £X amount you shouldnt be allowed to concieve.

The majority of these arguments have been argued by couples able to concieve by the way.

Many of the arguments against funding revolve around it not being a medical need…tummy tucks, boob jobs, lipo, all provided on the NHS due to the mental health impact of not having these surgeries on a patient.

How is IVF different? A couple are not awarded funding willy nilly. There are so many hoops. Length of time trying, length of time living together, years of investigations, years of other treatments, smoker status, BMI. Its not an easy option. 

I totally agree that once you have a living child, the funding stops. However if that child is from a previous relationship i do think 1 cycle of IVF should be funded. At the moment, people are being punished for having step children, which doesnt allay the NEED for a biological child.

The other problem people have is, IVF doesnt guarantee a couple a child. Hate to break this to you, but nor does the tradtional method. Otherwise every time a couple had unprotected sex during ovulation, a woman would be pregnant.

There does need to be a national standard on how much a CCG is charged per cycle of IVF. That would help enormously as some areas are charged 3 times more than others. However, that issue should affect the patient. Ever.

The widespread cutting of funding means thousands of couples are left without any options. I was lucky. I was awarded 2 cycles. Used 1 and then borrowed money to go abroad, the rest of my IVF was funded by inheritance. I opted out of my second cycle to access better treatment abroad. That was my choice. Choice being the key word. No funding means no choice. 

Alcoholics, smokers and over eaters all have a choice. And whichever choice they make, the NHS is there to help. So why are infertile couples any different? 

They arent. 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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Scan, baby shower and sleep! 

Scan, baby shower and sleep! 

Well its been quite a week. Im fact the next few weeks will be hugely busy, more so if we get to move house!!! 

We had our first NCT class on Wednesday. It was actually really informative and nice to do something ‘normal’. For us, planning a labour is weird! Im used to turning up, going through it blind and going home empty handed, so to actually learn about the different stages of labour, what Mr Me can do to be a part of it etc. is fascinating.

The 1st session was getting to know each other and what we want out of the course really but we did learn about the different hormones involved, how its best to be in a darkened room and not be on my back for delivery. I now have something to actually put in my birth plan!!! 

Thursday was hospital day…another growth scan. Had a good chat with my midwife prior, how ive been feeling mentally and physically. I have been more anxious but it appears to be normal First Time Mum (FTM) worries, woohoo! I did forget to mention my heart palpatations and suspected Carpel Tunnel Syndrome though so must remember at my next appointment.

The scan went well, the little dude is head down, measuring well and is now estimated to weigh 4lb 3oz. Thats a 1lb 2oz growth in 3 weeks!!! 🤤🤤

During the scan i was asked how i would feel about being induced at 38 weeks, i said thatd be fine, awesome in fact, so im booked to go in at 38 weeks exactly…6 weeks from now! 

On Friday i was meant to see Russell Howard live but sadly i had to leave work early as i felt really poorly. No energy, sleepy, achey, just off. I came home and ended up sleeping a lot. We had booked Russell Howard as a consolation prize last year in case we werent pregnant. I was gutted for Mr Me as it was a gift for him but he reminded me of the above and said he didnt mind. I really couldnt have made it. 

After a good sleep, i did feel a bit better for Saturday. I was up early to have my hair done whilst the house was prepped for my very own baby shower.

I honestly didnt think id ever get to have my own shower. My Mum and Mr Me did a wonderful job decorating

And J did some amazing cupcakes 

I was and am so very grateful for all the effort that was put in. 

LOADS of people turned up, it was fantastic, people id not seen in a long time. And the gifts, wow.

An example of the effort put in to the gifts

I truly was humbled by the effort people had gone to. There is so much love toward the little dude, Mr Me and I, it was spectacular. 

My mum carefully packed my beautiful gifts away for me so they dont get damaged during the housemove.

Speaking of, im really really hoping we get a date for the move this week. 6 weeks to the birth really isnt a long time and i want my house in order before he arrives. We will start applying pressure to our buyer this week, hes had more time than us and is weeks behind.

By the end of the shower i was pretty shattered, but had time for a quick pic

Mr Me and I with S, Mr Me’s cousin.

S is a fairly big You Tube star and has included our baby shower in her family’s latest vlog

Give it a view, they are such a lovely family!! 

I woke up this morning absolutely worn out again. I think its my anaemia combined with being 32 weeks pregnant. But oh my its wiping me out.

Only 6 more shifts before i finish for mat leave, my body needs the rest i can tell you. Today, little dude has discovered a new trick. Kicking the hell out of some nerve on my right side. Its stop me in my tracks agony. Dont get me wrong, its great to know hes OK in there, but OUCH!!! Another new development this week…CANKLES

So, 6 weeks to go, lots to do but more to be grateful for

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Final Cycle – Day 21

3 days past a 5 day transfer/8 days post ovulation or egg collection

I had another, mostly, lazy day. I caught up with my counsellor, straightened my hair for the 1st time in 12 days, did some shopping (only light stuff Umit, i can hear you frowning as you read 😘) and did some washing.

I may aswell list my symptoms as i cant stop myself from noticing

  • Headachey
  • Crampy on and off, sometimes mild, sometimes strong
  • Some sharper pains in uterus at times
  • Sleepy
  • Craving bacon/food in general
  • Heavy/full feeling in uterus
  • Needing to pee more
  • This one may be a bit too much information for non IVFers – increased cervical mucus
  • Dizzy spells
  • Sore right nipple (although i do ‘check’ it regularly which probably isnt helping) 
  • Achey hips
  • Increased sense of smell
  • Mr Me says im short tempered, occasionally, my temper is now very short with him following that statement! Kidding, he is right tbh, im easily annoyed at the mo! 

Any and all of them could be explained by the meds, i know that and im trying to stay grounded, but im a little bit excited.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Final Cycle – Day 20

Final Cycle – Day 20

Today i am 2 days past a 5 day transfer (2dp5dt) or 7 days post ovulation in a tradtional cycle.

Ive been very lazy as per clinic instructions. Had a very nice roast chicken dinner and a lovely nap just now.

Had another dizzy spell and more cramping which im taking as a good sign seeing as i felt nothing in June! 

One of my fur babies needs a trip to the vets but as he is heavy, Mr Me is going to take him tomorrow so i dont have to lift him! 

Above is an animation of all my embryoscope pictures. Its a bit fast but pretty awesome. Ill also post a copy of my DVD once ive watched it. But im just about to watch Captain America: Civil War instead so itll be tomorrow now! 😂

I have a positive feeling about this cycle so far although im struggling between thinking it might just actually work and being afraid to get my hopes up. 

Hopefully over the coming days ill become braver and even more positive.

As hot as Cyprus was, the UK seems freezing, got my big fluffy dressing gown on already! 

I mentioned Mr Me’s blue hair in my last post…

Truly awesome in my humble opinion.

Have a good evening folks

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

The end…?

The end…?

Ive been doing a lot of thinking in the last couple of weeks. 

I pretty sure im at the end of my IVF journey. Cycle 9 will be our last cycle. I feel quite good about this. 

Why? 

Because i cant keep going, 5 years and 9 cycles is a hell of a lot, before we even bring in the losses. Its a lot.

Im sick of losing, sick of feeling left out, sick of been the one it doesnt work for, sick of hoping, sick of the platitudes. Im just sick of it.

We will go ahead with cycle 9 as id regret it if i didnt, but if it fails, thats us done. No more.

We have done A LOT of talking and its time for a change. We are beginning to talk about adoption and it feels good. We’ve been through the advantages

  • No scary pregnancy to contend with
  • We will be parents at the end of it
  • Greatly reduces the chances of asthma, and Mr Me’s blood condition
  • We give a child in need a forever home
  • We can stop throwing money at a dream and start saving for a future with a child
  • Once in the process, we will always be moving forward not stop starting

There are some negatives;

  • Ill never carry my own child
  • We wont get the newborn experience

However, as there will be a 6 month period after IVF before we start the application for Adoption and i can deal with those negatives in those 6 months. I still get a pang when i see a pregnant belly and thats something ill need to grieve before going into adoption. But i can do that.

Its taken 7 years but im at my limit. Mr Me is at his limit. Weve wasted so much time, energy and money on this journey. Ok, not wasted, but its enough now.

Im telling people i just want a little person to love, so why does it have to come out of me? It doesnt. Itd be amazing dont get me wrong, but its no longer a NEED. What i do NEED is to be a parent.

I had to go through all we have, to reach this point. I cant say the losses were great, they were horrid, but they have made me who i am now. For that im grateful.

Im finding myself more and more down about IVF and thats a signal its time to end this. I find it hard now more than exciting/positive.

Having said that, cycle 9 is booked. We fly 31st August. Ill give it my all, i always do, but the pressure wont be as great because we have a new plan. 

In different news, L comes back to the UK for a spell this week! So excited! Im even buying a dress…i dont do dresses, shows how much ive missed her and how excited i am to go out with her and J! 

Ive also got a night out with M planned! Weve never been able to get a bit drunk together, what with pregnancy and IVF, so itll be a really fun evening. Exciting times! 

Mr Me and I had an amazing weekend. Had a lazy Saturday and then went out for tea and yesterday we had cocktails in the sun

Im not a big drinker (evidenced by my passing out/napping for 3hrs yesterday) but with L coming home, i had to practice! Itll be all good next weekend as i wont pour my own measures (we had drinks in the garden after getting home)! 

So there we have it, change is afoot, and that feels good.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

An Open Letter….

An Open Letter….

Dear Take Home Baby Gods,

7 years ago, we decided to try for a baby.

6 years ago we were referred for fertility testing

5 years ago we found out we needed IVF

4.5 years ago i invented you.

i know you are not real, you are a figment of my imagination, but when im desperate, when i need someone to talk to/vent at/be cross with, there is no one in real life i can blame, so you came into existence.

I used to ask you to let the IVF work, all i wanted was a BFP. how naive i was eh? i thought a BFP meant a baby, but you proved me wrong.

My 4th IVF cycle saw me get pregnant for the first time, i was overjoyed, we had cracked it. Or so i thought. in a cruel twist of fate, at 20 weeks Milo was diagnosed with HLHS and we opted to end that pregnancy. it was the right thing to do.

My 6th IVF cycle saw my second BFP and despite a few hiccups, Millie was healthy. but 9 days after finding that out, you took her away. Why? was it punishment for Milo? is is punishment for a past life? is it a test? are you trying to tell me something?

If so, could you be a bit more clear about it please?

we had a year off, my head was battered, my heart broken, i was a shell of the woman i remember myself to be. it did me good, i got my strength back and i didnt think about you at all.

In May we got back on the train, yet again you are not happy with me, first throwing a freeze all in my way and then a BFN on the resulting FET. Now im planning cycle 9.

What do i need to do to please you? What do i need to do for a take home baby – ill do anything, i just need to know what.

Im so sick of being the strong one, the positive one, the patient one. its got to be my turn now? i try to get on with life, in between cycles, you know? but i know you are always watching me, deciding if ill ever get my take home baby. I can feel you there as all i think about is the upcoming cycle, and what to try this time.

if you let me get pregnant, i promise not to buy a thing until im near term – will that please you?

ill give more to charity, ill help more in the community, i WILL adopt as a thank you for letting me have my own biological child. i just wish you were real and i could offer you something so you look favourably on me. but of course, you are in my imagination. there isn’t anything or anyone that can assure me a healthy baby, or even a pregnancy at this stage. but wouldn’t it be wonderful if you were real, and i and all the other infertile/bereaved parents, could know what you wanted to ensure the next pregnancy is a safe one.

So basically, Take Home Baby Gods, this is my prayer to you. im out of money, im out of holiday and im out of steam. ive got enough left for one more shot at this. no one will love a baby more than we will, no one will ever be as grateful as we are, no one baby will have as many aunties and uncles from around the world. Please, please please, just let it be us. please?

thinking of you

Little Miss PMA xxx

Hit me today

Hit me today

Ok, im a bit down about the way things panned out today. It just seems its always us that have to be strong and keep going.

We cannot catch a break at times.

Im not blaming any one thing for my mood, its just hit me today how unfair it all is.

I do get sick of being strong and positive sometimes, but for like a day, coz i hate feeling negative more.

Today is my down day, today ill mope about and stay home and watch trashy TV.

In other news, ive picked a date to fly…as long as its ok with work…soon as its approved, ill let you know.

So despite how im feeling today, im still going to keep going and hope Sepetember is my lucky month. If not, we cant cycle again until 2017 due to annual leave and financial constraints. But we wont need it, im sure September will be lucky.

Still not as bad as a still born though…and thats how i keep going, ive been through worse

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Resisting temptation…

Resisting temptation…

On my BFP cycles i tested at 11 days past a 5 day transfer as that was when i was due on…with Millie’s BFP it was also our wedding anniversary

Tomorrow is 11 days past. Its not a special date but temptation is creeping in.

Last time i had a feeling it would be positive though, right now im still clueless.

Burst the bubble or not??? It’d be accurate but a tiny, tiny part of me is scared that second line wont be there.

Decisions, decisions

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Different isnt bad…

Different isnt bad…

Im well pissed off at myself. I’ve let these negative feelings basically ruin my PUPO bubble. This is NOT like me.

Ok so this cycle is different, well actually better, grade AA embies, thickest lining etc so why am i so negative??

Im symptom spotting thats why. And thats just stupid.

Hcg is only just being released so why would i feel different??? Its TOO EARLY!!!

After a few pep talks from friends, family and the clinic (how awesome are they?!) I am no longer going to be negative.

I hate being negative. Just because its different doesn’t mean its bad. Different can be good.

I now choose to believe that different is good, as in this is my take home baby.

Im so annoyed at myself for letting the crap get to me, i wouldn’t let any one else feel this way so i damn well wont let myself feel this way.

Negativity out, positivity in.

Screw you 2 week wait, im better than you.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Doubting….

Doubting….

Ahhhh shit. Im not sure its worked.

Last night i looked back at my blog posts from my last 2 week wait and i was feeling stuff by now, and im not feeling anything.

I know every cycle/pregnancy is different but im really worried.

Tomorrow is 7 days past and i usually get my progesterone rash so i guess im hoping thatll show up but, my PMA is ebbing away fast.

There is no way to know until test day and for the 1st time ever im tempted to test early.

I also know FETs can be late implanters but its not bringing much comfort right now.

Im terrified its all over before its began.

Really, its too soon to draw this conclusion as only today at 6days past a 5 day transfer does hcg start to be secreted into my system but ive got a bad feeling.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx