Tag: marriage

Firsts

Firsts

There have been a number of firsts over the last few weeks. Some good and some not so good.

Little T smiled for the 1st time…at the GP. She had literally just asked if he was smiling yet, i said only windy smiles for him to smile at her!!!!! Since then we have managed to see a few more smiles but none caught on camera and ive no idea what made him smile so cant replicate it!!! 

Im on my period for the first time in 10 months. Although not painful it is heavy, and long. Im used to 2 days of fresh blood and a few days spotting. Today is day 5 of fresh red blood!!! Been through a pack of sani pads and onto my 2nd since Saturday. This better not be a sign of things to come as im not a fan. 

Mr Me and I went on our 1st date night since Little Ts arrival. We spent 90% of it talking about Little T but the other 10% we were just us. Not parents. Just a married couple, in their 30s, drinking cocktails. That time as a couple was so valuable, so needed. For weeks we had barely seen each other, let alone had a conversation so to sit and eat and just talk was wonderful. It was actually kinda hard to go home as the cocktails were going down so nicely! 

This week was the 1st time ive admitted to a health professional im struggling a bit. The health visitor asked about meds and i said i was thinking of upping my antidepressants. Im not super low or anything but im quite anxious. Plus ive never done well in my own company and as much as i try to get out, im on my own with the baby. The HV gave me details of a group for Mums who are struggling and i really need to contact my counsellor but i cant seem to do it. My self confidence is beginning to drop, im anxious about walking into a group on my own!!! 

Im finding it hard due to the pressure i feel. Which is self inflicted. I feel like i need to manage being a Mum beautifully. With no hiccups. After all ive waited 8 years for this, it should be everything ive ever wanted. And it is. But its also sooooooo different to the picture i had in my mind. Im happy to tell others how well they are doing despite sleep deprivation etc. But cant take my own advice, ever. 

I worry im missing subtle clues, that my baby is in distress and i dont know. I look at the online baby group and then come off it again as its overwhelming. I really worry im not doing enough with Little T, that hes bored or that im not stimulating him in the right way. He goes on his tummy once a day on his gym and listens to songs and we show him toys of various colours and textures….is that enough??? 

There are times ive wondered why i yearned for this, times ive wondered if im cut out for it, times ive wondered why ive inflicted this on myself and Mr Me. But then Little T looks at me with those big eyes and its all worth it or i see Mr Me and Little T together and know its absolutely worth it.

Right now id do anything for 8 hours sleep, a warm meal and a full body massage. Carrying about my 9lb+ son is not good for my back!! 

Speaking of my body, ive not lost an ounce of weight in weeks. Its starting to get to me. Im on my feet a lot and barely have time to eat so how am i not losing weight??? I have about 4 outfits that look OK so its kinda like being pregnant and wearing the same outfits over and over again!!! I need to join baby gym really, but as above, im nervous! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Never knew how much id hate the sun when i had a kid

Never knew how much id hate the sun when i had a kid

The weather is fabulous, hot hot hot. Normally id be loving it being a bit of a sun worshipper but with a new born its hell!!! 
I cannot keep the poor kid cool. He wont sleep upstairs as its beyond hot.

The gro egg of doom taunts me with its red glow and sad face on a nightly basis at the moment

Dont get me wrong its a brilliant bit of kit but at 3am when the boy wont settle, i can feel it judging me!!! 

To move on from the weather thiugh….

Yesterday was Fathers Day and Mr Me got to celebrate AT LAST.

Little T got him an engraved box with lots of pictures round the side, and a card of course.

Mr Me fancied lunch out so off we went to the Trafford Centre as we were able to control Little Ts temperature somewhat there. Whilst waiting for a lift, a lady asked me if i was behind Confessions of Little Miss PMA!!!! She told me she had been reading for years and recognised us from pictures. Id been spotted. Im famous! I was so taken aback but so so grateful to her. You dont know it but you made our day, so, thank you!! 

We had a lovely lunch and i got my pushing present…

I still cant get my wedding and engagement rings on so this is a place holder until i can. I love it!!! 

Emotionally ive been feeling much more positive. Until this morning when i was knackered due to having 2hrs sleep and Little T just whinging for nearly 2 hours. I couldve broken down next to him. I had no patience so i walked away, made him a bottle, and he eventually fell asleep. I got an hr and a half too which made all the difference. When i woke up i was refreshed and able to deal with grumpy Little T. Its amazing how much brighter things seem when youve got 3.5hrs sleep in your pocket. Even if it is broken. Happy Days.

We have been to baby clinic today, Little T is now 8lb 15oz and finally able to start using the sleeping bags we bought as he kicks off blankets. Of course its now too bloody hot to use such a thing but itll be great when it cools down. Poor lad is currently just sleeping in a vest at night. During the day hes in a nappy under a muslin. Usually hates being naked but thats how hot it is.

The poor fur babies are beyond themselves too.

Splash is camped out by an additonal water bowl and i found Smudge in the bath yesterday!! Id hate to have a fur coat on in this heat!!! 

I definitely feel more confident at this parenting thing, we are getting out almost everyday, it no longer takes an hour just to leave the house. I can read Little Ts cues more easily, hes gaining weight and most importantly ive kept him alive for 5 weeks!!!!

Im still overwhelmed by it all sometimes. Its not how i imagined but i am being rewarded. We think he is close to smiling which will be amazeballs. Its much harder than i imagined. I didnt expect my relationship with Mr Me to change as much as it has either.

We will be going on date night this week just to talk and reconnect. We miss each other for sure and Mr Me did confess he was struggling which actually made me feel oodles better as i thought it was just me. Itll be nice to have one on one time for a few hours to remember we are not just parents. Plus im looking forward to a few cocktails 🍾πŸ₯‚πŸΉπŸΈ

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Final update from Cyprus!

So yesterday we were told the epic news that a whopping 7 embryos had been frozen. I still cant quite believe it!! Best results we have ever had in 3 fresh cycles. Im over the moon, truly!

The original plan was that i would start preparation for the frozen transfer today but when we got to clinic the plan changed!

Dr F felt that due to my whopping 18 eggs collected that some of my follicles could still be releasing hormones which could jeopardise the success of the cycle. Makes sense really. So we have a new plan…

Im to start the pill today to control my cycle…the reason for this? Well, its all because of March and what it means to me and Mr Me. Its obviously not a cursed month but given I’ve lost 2 babies in March, i kinda wanna avoid it. Now most doctors wouldn’t give a damn about this, but Dr F is incredible. She’s timing my cycle so ill give birth at the end of February. What a woman!!! Im so very grateful to her for this and so many other things.

So ill stay on the pill from today to the 31st May. Stop. Have a bleed approx. 4 days later, and start meds on cycle day 2.

I haven’t got the full protocol yet so im not too sure what im taking when but it’ll be with me soon. I have come away with a bag full of meds today, including the pill, cetrotide (to stop ovulation), estafam (to build my lining), progestan (progesterone to support the upcoming pregnancy), prednisone (a steroid to stop my immune system attacking the embies) and monodox (doxycyline an antibiotic to stop infection).

Despite many protests, I’ve also paid my freezing costs and meds cost and apparently im now paid up! They are so relaxed about payment with me, but being a Brit, i like to pay for services as they happen.

I had made a load of enquiries about villas etc for the earlier dates but luckily didn’t book anything, although i will have to rearrange my holiday at work as i gave my manager notice of the earlier dates yesterday! Oops! Sorry!

We are currently sat in our favourite coffee bar where im enjoying my last coffee. I need to stop again to ensure my lining grows, stimulants aren’t good for that.

So thats it, fly home tonight after an amazing 10 day rollercoaster! Im so ready to see my fur babies and watch the last 2 episodes of Game of Thrones…we have being trying so hard to avoid spoilers!

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx