Yesterday was #worldmentalhealth day. A day where people are encouraged to talk about thier issues with mental health and everyone is reminded how dibilitating mental health problems can be, but how very normal it is too.
1 in 4 suffer with mental health problems and im one of them.
I suffer with depression (for which im medicated) and anxiety. Ironically, my anxiety was through the roof yesterday.
Im not sure what triggered it. Perhaps the lack of sleep ive been experiencing (due to insomnia, not Little T). In retrospect ive ‘not felt comfortable in my skin’ for the last 48hrs so i should have realised it would end in a full blown attack.
For me, the physical/visible symptoms consist of
- Increased heart rate
- Clenched teeth
- Tensed muscles, particularly in my legs
- Wringing hands
The non physical/visible symptoms are
- Doubting myself
- Questioning all my decisions, past and present
- Thinking people are upset/angry with me
- Not wanting to leave the house
- Not wanting to be alone
- Unable to communicate my feelings
- Fearful of everyday activities
Little T is a great distraction. During the day im so focussed on him, there isnt time for my mind to wander, no time to question or doubt my decisions. Then he goes to bed and the anxiety monster rears its head.
Ive been averaging 4hours sleep the last few weeks which has taken its toll, ive kept myself super busy during the day in order to ignore the warning signs, but yeaterday it caught up with me.
Im lucky, Mr Me is very unerstanding and supportive. He goes out of his way to make things easier for me when im suffering. Whether that be rearranging social events or just cuddling me and reminding me of my good qualities.
Im very open, ill happily tell somone about my mental health problems, if the opportunity arises. Sadly, in our society, that doesnt happen often. Its another taboo, something people dont want to admit to and that society doesnt want to hear.
It makes no sense. Its an illness. Same as a cough or cold. But as its not visible, people struggle to understand.
But its OK to talk, its time to break the stigma. These illnesses lead to sucicide or self harm, how can we not talk about that??
Days like yesterday are vital. Thing is, EVERY DAY should be mental health awareness day.
You never know what somone is feeling, what demon they are fighting, so be nice, always.
I come across as very confident, for example, but most days there is an internal war going on in my head. Some days are better, the meds help, but some days, like yesterday, it wins and i lose
Love, Little Miss PMA xxx