Tag: parenting



Little T is developing so quickly at the moment. He’s now starting to hold the furniture and cruise about. He doesnt stand independently yet but we are not far off.

He also said his first word ‘Cat’. Every time he sees one, regardless of whether its ours, someone else’s or a picture, he says it.

He can also say ‘Daddy’ now too, although he says ‘Cat’ more. He says it all dam day to be honest. He shouted it so much at lunch time the other day, the cat actually came downstairs!!!

He is teething too, molars apparently, and its hard work. He isn’t sleeping before 10pm, and for 2 nights we’ve had to drive to get him down. I was out til 1.30am one night.

That has coincided with me suffering major fatigue. I wake up exhausted and am exhausted all day. Its an MS symptom so hopefully it won’t last, in fact i have felt better today, but during the spell, my patience wore thin and i found Little T’s whining very hard to cope with. Pretty sure i said ‘f**k me, what now’ under my breath about a hundred times over the last few days!

I felt like a terrible parent, ill be honest. I usually find him so easy to cope with, but i wasnt managing. The late nights and early starts and the fatigue, were just too much.

Im glad to say today was easier though.

Little T looking very tired!!!

Having said all that, I’m almost 100% certain i want another baby. Not now, but in a couple of years, I’m not sure its doable as I’ve no idea what the side effects of the MS drugs will be. I’m loathe to read up on it as, to be honest, i don’t wanna know. I’ll deal with it when it happens. At least i can tell my MS doctor in September that another baby is on the cards, unless the side effects make that impossible/unfair to another baby and Little T.

I had my repeat MRI, this time with dye, not so long ago. I had a strange experience during it. It felt like i was rocking back and forth, so much so, i had to check with the technician that i wasn’t, after the scan. My fingers also went numb/tingly, but that happens quite a lot at the moment, so I’m probably experiencing an episode. Pins and needles i can deal with, so long as i don’t start slurring again!

Ive a GP appointment next week as i need to take vitamin D to up my levels, so that’ll be 4 medications a month im taking. Thank you NHS for doing pre paid prescription certificates, they will save me a fortune!!

Im counting the weeks to our Cyprus holiday (8.5 weeks). Im so excited to show off Little T, I’ve had a romper made especially for the visit to our clinic…

Made by https://www.facebook.com/babsandmoo/

I’m looking forward to sun, relaxation (thanks to my Mum and brother coming) and walking around Kyrenia again. I love the place, and it’ll be nice to be able to enjoy the pool, and alcohol, for the entire holiday, as no IVF will be taking place!

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Weaning 😣😂😍

Weaning 😣😂😍

What they dont tell you…(or what i didnt realise!)

Its hard…i thought after 6 months of milk he’d want food, but nope!

We are doing Baby Led Weaning (BLW) so nothing is pureed. Its great as he eats what we eat really, but it did take 5 weeks for him to actually swallow 😂

I was fairly convinced he would NEVER swallow, but he got the hang of it, shuddered when it happened mind!

Kids are fickle too. What he liked yesterday, last week, he may not, and probably won’t like today!! That makes meal planning hard, and for a worried Mummy too!

In 3 months hes meant to wean off formula altogether, i worry SO much that hes not eating enough, that he relies too heavily on formula (rightly so, ATM) but we have dropped the afternoon feed for last 2 days and it seems to be going OK(ish). (He woke up twice for feeds last night!)

Hes also not a fan of getting his hands dirty so theres baby cutlery and spoons everywhere and lots of food smeared on his face, my hands, clothes, floors etc.

They said BLW was messy but i didnt realise id be covered in it too and they dont do adult full cover bibs!!!

He has little to no etiquette but is fiercely independent so its all over his face, his hands, my arms, my hands, its basically a food explosion

But then he looks this cute and all is forgiven!!

Leftovers…id been eating them 🤦‍♀️ what a fool! Didnt like watching food go to waste, when i should have been watching my weight!!

Im such an idiot, no wonder ive only lost a few pounds since having him!!! Ive stopped now, fingers crossed ill lose a bit of flab 🤞

Little T, like most adults, loves all the wrong things too…twiglets, mini cheddars, rusks 😕 (He also enjoys peanut butter muffins but i make them so i feel OK about that.)

Wont touch a cucumber/carrot/celery stick, or a banana (never known a baby not like banana) so i know i look like ‘that’ parent when hes munching on a muffin, but he has a good brekkie and good dinner, i swear.

Little T hasnt been well so hes been off food and seems only to want softer things right now. This on top of being fickle over food!!

He loves Bolognese type stuff, but i had no idea tomato doesnt digest. I cannot tell you how panicked i was the first time i saw red poop, i thought he was dying!

We are still toothless which i think he finds frustrating, although im not sure how useful front teeth will be when it comes to chewing!?

He is hilarious to watch though and i get such joy when i see him enjoy what i make. To that end, im cooking all the meals, baking, and really enjoying it. We eat healthier meals now too, all thanks to Little T and Baby Led Weaning. Thankfully i have a brilliant app we use everyday or id be lost!!

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Rainbows and Tears

We were invited to a Rainbow Tea Party at the hospital last weekend.

I wanted to go, to show off Little T, and thank the people that cared for us so well. However, i hate that place.

The night before, i relived all 3 births, in stunning clarity. I felt the same anxiety as normal when we arrived, had to follow my usual pattern of having a coffee (which has changed from Costa to Starbucks, yuk)

I still dont like the place but it was a nice afternoon and im proud we are part of the 2017 Rainbows

Rainbow Tea Party

Today has been a hard ass day, Little T has cried or whined all day. I dont know why. I dont think he knows why. He is usually a delight but today nothing pleases his lordship.

We went to the park to play on the swings since he loves it and he fell asleep on the way home and even tolerated being moved so im thinking hes poorly!!!

I planned to meet some friends for a drink but he really isnt in the mood and i dont think he would settle in a public space.

So im waiting on Mr Me so i can have a glass of wine and a long shower….an hour and counting.

3 seconds of silence provided by the washing basket

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Cats out of the bag…

Cats out of the bag…

As of Wednesday, i became a stay at home mum.

I handed my notice in at work. A month earlier than needed but i wanted to give as much notice as possible.

It was weird. I love my job, i really do. I just love being at home with Little T, more.

I’m in the minority, most of the Mums i know can’t or don’t want to stay at home. I feel very lucky that i can.

Little T is changing so much now and i don’t want to miss a thing. (Although he is some how moving and i always miss how he does it…I’m thinking bum shuffle?!)

Motherhood is everything i wanted it to be, and more.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days i want to pull my hair out and can’t wait for Mr Me to come home to give me a break, but 95% of the time, Little T is a joy to be around.

He is now 9 months old, weighed in at 20+lbs a couple of weeks ago, still can’t roll over and has no teeth, but he has the most amazing smile, loves music and his sensory toys. He babbles a lot (like his Mum) and loves food.

I’m so ridiculously lucky

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx



Since little T arrived, we’ve had 2 ‘staycations’

The first was to forest holidays

We went to Keldy, little T was about 4 months old and still sleeping with us. We had our own hot tub and could explore the forest at leisure. It was really nice to get away, and easier than i thought. We all enjoyed it, once we stopped trying to use the hot tub when little T was asleep!! He kept waking the second we got in, so eventually we brought him onto the veranda in his buggy.

It was a lovely break and we had half decent weather too. Id defo go back, just need to wait for a deal as it’s very expensive, and you know, i have a baby now

We went to centre parcs more recently. To Sherwood Forest. Everyone told me it’d be amazing so i was really looking forward to it. I was thoroughly underwhelmed. It was good. But it wasn’t amazing.

We tried the bikes, both hated em, I had little T in a trailer, it was so wide!!! And Mr Me cannot ride a bike!!

It did snow one of the days, it looked quite pretty that day.

Little T loved the pool despite it being cold in the water. He loved the rubber ring, realising he could enjoy the water and not swim (he has weekly lessons).

We spent the majority of the weekend in various eateries and pubs!

Little T loves a menu!

So, I’d swerve centre parcs for a good few years. Despite the spa being amazing, it just wasn’t for me! And that was in the winter, can’t imagine what summer would be like!!! So i dunno what everyone loves so much, maybe i missed it?!

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Where do we go from here?

Where do we go from here?

I miss blogging.

I’ve held off as i know that when TTC the last thing you want is to read about how someone made it through the horridness that is infertility.

But i miss it. And i worked dam hard to get little T, i want to share stories about him, pictures of him.

So I’m letting you know, this will become a blog about someone who made it. Someone who won the war. Someone who paid their dues.

I’m truly sorry for everyone still fighting, i am.

But look how cute…

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Happy Half Birthday

Happy Half Birthday

6 months today!!! Flown by. Although in those first few weeks i didnt think we would make it.

Little T is an absolute delight these days. Except when he is teething and/or stays up late. Which is a lot at the moment. But its fine because mostly he is awesome 

I still worry EVERY morning that he has died in his sleep (he is in his own room). I wake up and lie there waiting for him to make a noise, im too scared to go in first in case i find him lifeless. I remind myself daily that he is fine but im not sure ill ever stop feeling this way.

During the day though, we are having the best fun together. We have 4 classes a week and my anxiety about attending new ones is virtually zero. 

Support network is set up, and brilliant. 

We start weaning at the weekend. We are going with baby led. Im nervous and i dont know why. Perhaps because i have had such a strange relationship with food. Perhaps because its a sign time is flying past. Whatever it is, im fully kitted out now, and the veg is bought so i just need to take the plunge.

Changing tac slightly…

I had my 1st really down day yesterday. Id forgotten how low i could feel. It was preceeded by an anxiety attack the night before. It was a shock. I felt tearful all day. Its passed now but it was a stark reminder of why i take my meds.

Im currently having a kid free shop, its weird and i miss him. But its been nice to eat a sandwich slowly and drink a warm cup of tea. Haha

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Break Up! 

To my darling Jeans, 

Im sad to say, its over. We had a long run, probably 20 years or so, but its just not working for me anymore.

You no longer make me look good, you make me look a state really.

Its not you, its me. My thighs are bigger, my tummy flabby and unruly. In fact if we are placing blame, lets be honest, its Little Ts fault.

He made my body blow up and it just wont go back down. You are unforgiving, you give me a builders bum, you fall down and give me a ‘saggy nappy’ look.

Ive met someone else. Leggings. They hide a multitude of sins. They are ‘Mum attire’.

Ill never forget our time together, you sparkled, you ripped, you toned, you frayed, you were boyfriend, skinny, bootcut, there were jeans for every occassion.

Except post birth. Mum Tum and you are just a disaster.

Ill remember you fondly, and maybe one day, we can meet again and have a more positive relationship.

Until then, 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Anxiety is Motherhood

Anxiety is Motherhood

This weekend has been full of new experiences…

Little T got his 1st cold and a cough. (Think im now getting the cold too!!!)

Luckily my Mum was here to keep me calm and Calpol was administered, Little T was OK and nothing awful happened! We even managed a trip to the pub. 

#badmum haha

Today, as he is nearly 16 weeks, we put Little T down upstairs for the 1st time.

Id put the baby monitor stuff away believing there was no way i could let him sleep in a different room to us. But here he is in the crib in our room…

Thankfull for technology!

Im managing, just. Its hard, seeing him on a screen rather than peering into his moses basket but i think its for the best. We both have to get used to it. Ive managed not to put the sensor mat on too, but only because i can see him breathing on screen!! 

And he is fine. He went to sleep after half an hour and a few pop ins from Mr Me and I. He is non the wiser, away in dreamland! 

Big steps though. Im kinda super proud of myself! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

9-8, 5-8 (not a math problem)

9-8, 5-8 (not a math problem)

14 weeks! 

Little T burst his way into the world 14 weeks ago and forever changed our lives for the better! 

I really struggled with being a Mummy in the beginning. I found it hard to accept my new role, to accept the change in relationship between Mr Me and I. I was warned id be tired, but i didnt understand, i was warned it was hard, but i didnt understand.

Now i do. Im permantly tired, thats the new normal, so i can cope with it. Sleep deprivation is a thing of the past, because we are used to it. For example, i got 3ish hours last night whereas Little T got 11. Go figure. Think i was waiting for him to wake for a feed all night, not daring to believe he’d sleep through.

One off or is this the start of 11 hour nights? The latter would be amazing but i wont count on it, yet.

Since allowing myself to love him, im finding my new role as Mummy, so rewarding. I love watching him learn and grow, although it seems to be going so so fast. Everyday, his smile melts me, i cannot believe we made something so so beautiful and clever.

The last few years seem like a bad dream. Ill never forget Milo and Millie, how could i? They helped shape who i am, but our rainbow, Little T, glows through those dark clouds, and makes those times seem so distant, that the grief is manageable, the pain dulled somewhat.

So at 14 weeks, my little man can smile and grab, hes so close to rolling over but hates tummy time. He loves music, and the car, he has a favourite toy, and being the centre of attention is his forte. He is the most amazing waste of time, i can spend hours just watching him. I cant believe how lucky i am.

Im so happy.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx