Tag: pregnancy after miscarriage

Broody, Jealous, Both or Neither

Broody, Jealous, Both or Neither

Do i want another baby?!

Maybe. Possibly. I don’t know!

I have times where I’d love another little person to love

And then i think about how hard it’d be, having two

Then i think, do it sooner rather than later, get the lack of sleep, the nappies, the weaning out the way ASAP

And then i think of how hard that’d be logistically.

Would i even get pregnant again? Would it be as terrifying as last time?

Would the baby be healthy?!!!

Can i put Mr Me and my family through that?

I’m jealous of a bump, i miss the feeling of a baby moving, i miss feeling special, i miss growing life.

I don’t miss not being able to turn over, or being so big i can barely move, or having swollen feet/ankles/hands

Logistically, how do you food shop with a newborn and toddler? How do you attend groups with a babe in arms and (hopefully) one on the move? (Little T is still pretty stationary for now, and toothless i might add)

How would we raise the capital for IVF and then pay for a baby on one wage?

Will Little T be lonely as an only child? Am i thinking about a second because it seems like that’s the socially acceptable thing to do?

When people go into labour, i envy them. Despite it being the most painful thing EVER and the recovery being horrendous, the memory is becoming a sweet one, i see now how women convince themselves it wasn’t as bad as they thought.

I like having spare bedrooms, and i worry the kids would fight endlessly and i wouldn’t cope.

But i think about having another daily. Sometimes i think it’d be great, other days i have a near on panic attack.

Is there a good age gap? Is going from 1 to 2 as hard as they say?

How do you KNOW you want another?

Heeellllppppp

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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It’s V day!!!!!!

It’s V day!!!!!!

24 weeks baby, 24 weeks!! We did it. Baby Boy is officially viable and the medical professionals can now help him if he arrives early. This is a massive milestone! 

When i found out i was pregnant, i really couldnt imagine being this pregnant. For a long time i thought we wouldnt ever get past 21 weeks. But then i got to 22 weeks and i was like ‘ok we may do this’ and now, bam! 24 fucking weeks!!! 

I dont normally swear (on here) but ive been hoping for this day since we lost Milo in 2014, so forgive my potty mouth! 

When you grieve a loss, theres a moment when you wake up and you forget you have lost, and then it hits you again. Ive experienced a lot of mornings like that. But lately, ive experienced something very different…

When i wake up, i forget im pregnant for a few moments, then he moves and i think ‘ooosh thats bad wind….hang on no, thats the baby!’ The feeling of elation upon realising this every morning is wonderful, and then the worries kick in and i get on with my day.

Today was no exception, i forgot, remembered and then remembered it was V day too.

As im carrying a viable baby now, i thought it high time to mention to Facebook land that im pregnant. L has mentioned it, as has Mr Me but i never have. This was my post…

I popped on some photos from the 3D scan and the gender reveal video as well as some new photos of my 24 week bump…

Smudge Cat, always wants to be involved
Looks like someone put a football under my T-shirt!
The answer is Yes, Yes it does!

As you can see from my VERY cheesy grin, im very pleased with myself! 

To celebrate we picked up some baby bits i ordered earlier in the week

A swing, a bath, a mobile, a toy and a moses basket!
The Elephant has been nicknamed ‘Harry Elephante’ (Friends Fans should know why!)

After collecting our purchases we went for pancakes as a treat.

My mother in law offered to buy us the cot yesterday (thank you so so much) so we went to have a look at some. I was going to hold off buying one but i found one i loved so a deposit has gone down on that and a chest of drawers with changing table on top. Its beginning to feel very real. I did have to walk out of the shop and build myself up before purchasing them as i do still worry about tempting fate!! 

So now he has;

  • Transport home (car seat)
  • A pram
  • A place to sleep (moses basket and cot bed)
  • A place to sit (swing chair)
  • A way to keep clean
  • Storage for his clothes

Thats the main things we need so im feeling pretty good, the planner in me is satisfied. For now.

As we have put the house on the market, we’ve spent the rest of the afternoon de-cluttering the house ready for the photographer tomorrow, and viewings on Tuesday. Ive also found a house i love on paper, and im going to book a viewing ASAP. So lets hope ours sells quickly, the agent seems very confident!!

I cannot stop smiling!!! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

PS – you can start buying now! 

Most pregnant I have ever been

Most pregnant I have ever been

Woohoo!! we made it through the majority of scary week and finally im the most pregnant i have ever been!

Its been a lovely day so far. I had my whooping cough vaccination this morning, followed by brunch at Harvey Nichols. Sue Johnston was there too (The Royle Family), dining with celebs!!

After a lovely brunch, looking out over the city, we made our way to the private scan, to try and get some head shots. I remembered to eat chocolate and have a fizzy drink too, just to get him moving.

Im pleased to say it worked a treat and here he is. Baby PMA in the flesh…

22-weeks_7
His little nose and ear and chin

22-weeks_19

22-weeks_32
Nose, mouth and eyes!
22-weeks_35
Looks just like Daddy
22-weeks_45
Hand, arm, leg and foot
22-weeks_51
Daddy’s knee’s 

 

22-weeks_54
Knows how to suck!!
22-weeks_64
Big yawn!

He no longer looks like Morph, he has a face! His daddy’s face, he’s the image of Mr Me!

It was a lovely experience, and i cant believe how much more bonded we feel to our little dude.

Today has been an amazing day for so many reasons.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

 

Longest. Pregnancy. Ever.

Longest. Pregnancy. Ever.

The problem with IVF pregnancies is you find out really early. The problem with early testing is you find out even earlier! 

I found out at 3w 6d and im now 5w 3d. It feels like ive been pregnant 3 months already.

Weeks 4 to 6 are ever so dull as you have no symptoms so its like being in limbo. The wait for the early scan is equally monotonous. 8 more sleeps feels like 8 more years. You spend most of the 1st trimester wishing your life away and then suddenly youre 12 weeks and then you wake up the next day and you are 20 weeks. Its all very odd.

Being cometely numb to it all isnt helping with that either. However my counsellor says my ’emotional break’ is very healthy. Over the last few years i have been (with Mr Me) to the extreme of every emotion and back again. Its been exhausting. So my counsellor thinks its nice im having a break from all that even if it does feel very strange. She thinks its healthy and thatll do for me. I wont worry myself over this too much.

My only real symptom is the vivid dreaming and night peeing. Hence being awake at 5.30am. The vivid dreams range from nice to nasty to downright weird. What does seem to be a recurring theme  though, are my 6th form friends.

I havent spoken to many of them in 13/14 years. I left 6th form at 18 somewhat under a black cloud due to being bullied in my final year and a year later i moved to Manchester, whereas they stayed in my home town and kept up thier friendships.

Its a shame really as they were a bunch of rather nice people. Last time i saw them was at M&G’s wedding. It was all a bit awkward though. Something i regret really but i wasnt then who i am now. Wasnt as strong or confident in myself. I wish there was a way to get us all together again to repair those friendships but perhaps too much time has passed? Anyhow my subconcious is very keen to bring them up over and over and as i dont know much about dream interpretation, im going with literal meaning.

Hopefully getting all this down means i can have another kip before work.

Night! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx