Little T is developing so quickly at the moment. He’s now starting to hold the furniture and cruise about. He doesnt stand independently yet but we are not far off.
He also said his first word ‘Cat’. Every time he sees one, regardless of whether its ours, someone else’s or a picture, he says it.
He can also say ‘Daddy’ now too, although he says ‘Cat’ more. He says it all dam day to be honest. He shouted it so much at lunch time the other day, the cat actually came downstairs!!!
He is teething too, molars apparently, and its hard work. He isn’t sleeping before 10pm, and for 2 nights we’ve had to drive to get him down. I was out til 1.30am one night.
That has coincided with me suffering major fatigue. I wake up exhausted and am exhausted all day. Its an MS symptom so hopefully it won’t last, in fact i have felt better today, but during the spell, my patience wore thin and i found Little T’s whining very hard to cope with. Pretty sure i said ‘f**k me, what now’ under my breath about a hundred times over the last few days!
I felt like a terrible parent, ill be honest. I usually find him so easy to cope with, but i wasnt managing. The late nights and early starts and the fatigue, were just too much.
Im glad to say today was easier though.
Little T looking very tired!!!
Having said all that, I’m almost 100% certain i want another baby. Not now, but in a couple of years, I’m not sure its doable as I’ve no idea what the side effects of the MS drugs will be. I’m loathe to read up on it as, to be honest, i don’t wanna know. I’ll deal with it when it happens. At least i can tell my MS doctor in September that another baby is on the cards, unless the side effects make that impossible/unfair to another baby and Little T.
I had my repeat MRI, this time with dye, not so long ago. I had a strange experience during it. It felt like i was rocking back and forth, so much so, i had to check with the technician that i wasn’t, after the scan. My fingers also went numb/tingly, but that happens quite a lot at the moment, so I’m probably experiencing an episode. Pins and needles i can deal with, so long as i don’t start slurring again!
Ive a GP appointment next week as i need to take vitamin D to up my levels, so that’ll be 4 medications a month im taking. Thank you NHS for doing pre paid prescription certificates, they will save me a fortune!!
Im counting the weeks to our Cyprus holiday (8.5 weeks). Im so excited to show off Little T, I’ve had a romper made especially for the visit to our clinic…
I’m looking forward to sun, relaxation (thanks to my Mum and brother coming) and walking around Kyrenia again. I love the place, and it’ll be nice to be able to enjoy the pool, and alcohol, for the entire holiday, as no IVF will be taking place!
My symptoms are still only minimal, eating, weight gain (6.25lbs since Cyprus) and vivid dreams.
Last night i had the dream i was hoping i wouldnt have. The one where it all went wrong.
I had gone in for my 12 week scan. It was performed by my bereavement midwife, in a corridor on the feotal medicine unit. She asked how many scans i had had so far. For some reason i answered 5, but then corrected myself and said 1 (the 6+4 scan that im due on Thursday). I was stood up for the scan weirdley. Very quickly she told me baby was poorly and that we needed to terminate. Then i was sent home for 5 days.
During those 5 days i rang up to ask what was wrong with her (baby was a girl) to be told a very complicated name which i couldnt spell so couldnt google. We went back to hospital still none the wiser, and my bereavement nurse said, all cheery like “shall we get started then?”. At this point i broke down as i had no clue what was happening. I was told baby had too much fluid on her brain and that we had to end the pregnancy.
I begged and pleaded for another scan, a second opinion. As i was distraught, they put me in a broom cupboard?! Mr Me went to work. I ranted and raved in my cupboard. Heartbroken and devestated.
Then the broom cupboard was an office and i was at work. A family member of someone we support was there and also had to TFMR (Terminate for Medical Reasons). Shes in her 60’s but i helped deliver her baby, from her leg. The baby lived for some time and for some reason i had to keep hold of her until she passed.
Then i was back in the broom cupboard. I couldnt do it again, i kept telling everyone i couldnt but they didnt care. Mr Me didnt care. I was begging them to let me carry on with the pregnancy, to try and understand what it must be like for me, why i couldnt face it again. They eventually agreed to let a consultant scan me….and thats when i woke up.
I knew it was a dream as i was having it, Mr Me and the bereavement midwife wouldnt have behaved the way they did for a start. Even whilst i was dreaming it i was thinking “oh you are having THE dream”
Despite knowing it was a dream; its still my worst nightmare and i had to go through it. Clearly im more anxious about this pregnancy than my consciencious self is acknowledging. Im glad of the protection my brain is giving me as trying to get through each day feeling like i did in the dream would be hell.
I think thats probably why i had the dream actually, ive not been enjoying the numb state the last couple of days, this dream serves as a reminder as to why i need to be numb right now.
Im glad i dont put too much stock in dreams as this could scare the s**t out of me if i did.
The problem with IVF pregnancies is you find out really early. The problem with early testing is you find out even earlier!
I found out at 3w 6d and im now 5w 3d. It feels like ive been pregnant 3 months already.
Weeks 4 to 6 are ever so dull as you have no symptoms so its like being in limbo. The wait for the early scan is equally monotonous. 8 more sleeps feels like 8 more years. You spend most of the 1st trimester wishing your life away and then suddenly youre 12 weeks and then you wake up the next day and you are 20 weeks. Its all very odd.
Being cometely numb to it all isnt helping with that either. However my counsellor says my ’emotional break’ is very healthy. Over the last few years i have been (with Mr Me) to the extreme of every emotion and back again. Its been exhausting. So my counsellor thinks its nice im having a break from all that even if it does feel very strange. She thinks its healthy and thatll do for me. I wont worry myself over this too much.
My only real symptom is the vivid dreaming and night peeing. Hence being awake at 5.30am. The vivid dreams range from nice to nasty to downright weird. What does seem to be a recurring theme though, are my 6th form friends.
I havent spoken to many of them in 13/14 years. I left 6th form at 18 somewhat under a black cloud due to being bullied in my final year and a year later i moved to Manchester, whereas they stayed in my home town and kept up thier friendships.
Its a shame really as they were a bunch of rather nice people. Last time i saw them was at M&G’s wedding. It was all a bit awkward though. Something i regret really but i wasnt then who i am now. Wasnt as strong or confident in myself. I wish there was a way to get us all together again to repair those friendships but perhaps too much time has passed? Anyhow my subconcious is very keen to bring them up over and over and as i dont know much about dream interpretation, im going with literal meaning.
Hopefully getting all this down means i can have another kip before work.
I figure at this point, the IVF has either worked, or it hasnt, so i may as well think it has!
Ive had lots of positive signs and symptoms, so theres a very reasonable chance that next week ill be pregnant.
My appetite is still good, cheese triangles being one of my favourite things atm. I also had a craving for liquorice today, which im sure i craved in one of my other pregnancies.
Anyway im feeling good, the weather in the UK is fabulous and its nearly the weekend!
I booked my blood test today for next Wednesday (official test day) and i ordered my pregnancy tests for testing on Tuesday!
Ive been a little crampy today, and had a stabby pain in my right boob. Good signs i reckon.
My ass is soooo bruised and painful. It was fine yesterday following the proluton jab on Tuesday night, but today, ouchy! I cant see the bruise (as in it hasnt come to the surface) but i know its there!
5 days until i test. No desire to test any earlier at this point either.
Today was blip day. I woke up this morning, and felt low and flat. I think i got too cocky yesterday so i need to reel it in again.
I did feel better this afternoon, less flat but the lack of cramping is bothering me. Im trying to tell myself its because it/they are good and embedded already. Ive been referring to my embryo timeline a lot today…
This is what happens in a day 5 transfer :
-1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing 0dpt… Embryo is now a blastocyst 1dpt….Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day 2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining 3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining 4dpt.. Implantation process continues and blastocyst buries deeper in the lining 5dpt.. Blastocyst is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells 6dpt…Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood 7dpt…More HCG is produced as fetus develops 8dpt…More HCG is produced as fetus develops 9dpt…HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT
According to this timeline, hcg starts being produced tomorrow!
I have been a little pig today, 2 packets of crisps, sandwich, malt loaf, portion of chipshop chips and now im about to snack on cheese triangles and crackers 🐷🐷🐷 and thats all before my tea!!!
Today, i went back to work. I love my job and the people i work with so i was really looking forward to it.
Even the commute was ok today, hurray!
Symptoms wise, more of the same as yesterday really, though the cramping has been slightly more intense and ive been quite thirsty today. I also get really warm for no good reason throughout the day.
Mostly im noticing how serene and happy im feeling. Nothing seems to be getting to me really, im just protected by my PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) bubble i think. Its lovely.
I know im meant to be staying grounded but i cant help but feel super positive right now. To put a figure on it, im 80% sure we are heading for a positive test!!! As M reminded me, its OK to be excited, i do love being pregnant and i do want to enjoy it if i can.
Another friend yesterday was talking about ‘having a feeling’ when you get pregnant. I know exactly what she means, i just ‘knew’ with Millie (my 2nd pregnancy) and if im honest, im getting that feeling now.
Im trying to take it day by day but i’ve got a really good feeling. Its a lovely feeling.
So instead of day by day, im thinking step by step.
1st step – seeing 2 lines on a pregnancy test next week.
Im not really thinking further than that right now, well im thinking about the Hcg test, but thats only 1 day further than the pregnancy test so hardly counts.
Im fully expecting to have a wobble between now and Tuesday though.
My blood test is on the 21st but im going to pee on a stick (POAS) on the 20th
3 days past a 5 day transfer/8 days post ovulation or egg collection
I had another, mostly, lazy day. I caught up with my counsellor, straightened my hair for the 1st time in 12 days, did some shopping (only light stuff Umit, i can hear you frowning as you read 😘) and did some washing.
I may aswell list my symptoms as i cant stop myself from noticing
Crampy on and off, sometimes mild, sometimes strong
Some sharper pains in uterus at times
Craving bacon/food in general
Heavy/full feeling in uterus
Needing to pee more
This one may be a bit too much information for non IVFers – increased cervical mucus
Sore right nipple (although i do ‘check’ it regularly which probably isnt helping)
Increased sense of smell
Mr Me says im short tempered, occasionally, my temper is now very short with him following that statement! Kidding, he is right tbh, im easily annoyed at the mo!
Any and all of them could be explained by the meds, i know that and im trying to stay grounded, but im a little bit excited.
Today i am 2 days past a 5 day transfer (2dp5dt) or 7 days post ovulation in a tradtional cycle.
Ive been very lazy as per clinic instructions. Had a very nice roast chicken dinner and a lovely nap just now.
Had another dizzy spell and more cramping which im taking as a good sign seeing as i felt nothing in June!
One of my fur babies needs a trip to the vets but as he is heavy, Mr Me is going to take him tomorrow so i dont have to lift him!
Above is an animation of all my embryoscope pictures. Its a bit fast but pretty awesome. Ill also post a copy of my DVD once ive watched it. But im just about to watch Captain America: Civil War instead so itll be tomorrow now! 😂
I have a positive feeling about this cycle so far although im struggling between thinking it might just actually work and being afraid to get my hopes up.
Hopefully over the coming days ill become braver and even more positive.
As hot as Cyprus was, the UK seems freezing, got my big fluffy dressing gown on already!