Tag: Team Miracle

Spotting, but we know why!

Spotting, but we know why!

10 days ago i thought the bleeding had stopped. I was wrong.

Last Saturday we went shopping and it all started up again. Not red but heavy and dark brown

I decided that as it wasnt fresh id go back to work and take it easy. Tuesday afternoon i rang the GP again, to see if i could get my cervix checked. I spoke to an actual doctor! He advised i go back to the emergency gynae unit.

4 hours later i was examined and told everything looked ok, but i needed a scan the following day.

So at 10+3 I was scanned for the 4th time.

Baby is fine, asleep even. Not a care in the world. I was told that its cervical erosion, that my cervix has abrasions that are easily irritated, and caused by the progesterone.

So we have an answer. This does throw up questions around having a stitch but ill ask tomorrow at my consultant appointment.

Ive also got my booking in appointment on Tuesday, so ill have my notes, kinda a scary thought as it means im actual proper pregnant person.

I should have an idea about my care plan though which will be interesting and hopefully, reassuring.

Mr Me and I have spent the weekend in London. Yesterday we acted as Patient Advocates for Team Miracle at The Fertility Show. 

We really enjoyed it and felt like we had made a difference, offering reassurance to people considering going abroad for treatment and talking about IVF from a patients perspective. 

Today, Im exhausted and plan to snooze the rest of the way home.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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Private Scan

Private Scan

Today i had the private scan at 6+4 which i booked as soon as i got pregnant.

We could see a bit more today. Not much more but it was abdominal rather than internal/dildo cam! Woohoo!! 

As you may remember i was hoping for a funny looking thing….well, someone spotted this….

Baby Stormtrooper!!!! 

Heres a few other pictures too

Seeing the echocardiogram was pretty fantastic.

Im still a bit of a robot, but Mr Me had a little tear in his eye when he spotted the heart fluttering.

Baby stormtrooper is growing rapidly, CRL on Tuesday was 5.9mm and today was 9mm!!! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Very early scan

After the little bleed yesterday, i just had my scan and im relieved to announce we have 1 baby on board with a heartbeat and measuring 6+2.

No picture, not much to see anyway but all is well. Having a private scan on Thursday and may see more as the equipment will be better.

They could see some movement under the gestational sac which may have caused the bleed so need to keep an eye.

Im back in EPU right now for review i think…

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

I had THE dream

I had THE dream

6 weeks 1 day

My symptoms are still only minimal, eating, weight gain (6.25lbs since Cyprus) and vivid dreams.

Last night i had the dream i was hoping i wouldnt have. The one where it all went wrong.

I had gone in for my 12 week scan. It was performed by my bereavement midwife, in a corridor on the feotal medicine unit. She asked how many scans i had had so far. For some reason i answered 5, but then corrected myself and said 1 (the 6+4 scan that im due on Thursday). I was stood up for the scan weirdley. Very quickly she told me baby was poorly and that we needed to terminate. Then i was sent home for 5 days.

During those 5 days i rang up to ask what was wrong with her (baby was a girl) to be told a very complicated name which i couldnt spell so couldnt google. We went back to hospital still none the wiser, and my bereavement nurse said, all cheery like “shall we get started then?”. At this point i broke down as i had no clue what was happening. I was told baby had too much fluid on her brain and that we had to end the pregnancy.

I begged and pleaded for another scan, a second opinion. As i was distraught, they put me in a broom cupboard?! Mr Me went to work. I ranted and raved in my cupboard. Heartbroken and devestated. 

Then the broom cupboard was an office and i was at work. A family member of someone we support was there and also had to TFMR (Terminate for Medical Reasons). Shes in her 60’s but i helped deliver her baby, from her leg. The baby lived for some time and for some reason i had to keep hold of her until she passed.

Then i was back in the broom cupboard. I couldnt do it again, i kept telling everyone i couldnt but they didnt care. Mr Me didnt care. I was begging them to let me carry on with the pregnancy, to try and understand what it must be like for me, why i couldnt face it again. They eventually agreed to let a consultant scan me….and thats when i woke up.

I knew it was a dream as i was having it, Mr Me and the bereavement midwife wouldnt have behaved the way they did for a start. Even whilst i was dreaming it i was thinking “oh you are having THE dream” 

Despite knowing it was a dream; its still my worst nightmare and i had to go through it. Clearly im more anxious about this pregnancy than my consciencious self is acknowledging. Im glad of the protection my brain is giving me as trying to get through each day feeling like i did in the dream would be hell.

I think thats probably why i had the dream actually, ive not been enjoying the numb state the last couple of days, this dream serves as a reminder as to why i need to be numb right now.

Im glad i dont put too much stock in dreams as this could scare the s**t out of me if i did.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Longest. Pregnancy. Ever.

Longest. Pregnancy. Ever.

The problem with IVF pregnancies is you find out really early. The problem with early testing is you find out even earlier! 

I found out at 3w 6d and im now 5w 3d. It feels like ive been pregnant 3 months already.

Weeks 4 to 6 are ever so dull as you have no symptoms so its like being in limbo. The wait for the early scan is equally monotonous. 8 more sleeps feels like 8 more years. You spend most of the 1st trimester wishing your life away and then suddenly youre 12 weeks and then you wake up the next day and you are 20 weeks. Its all very odd.

Being cometely numb to it all isnt helping with that either. However my counsellor says my ’emotional break’ is very healthy. Over the last few years i have been (with Mr Me) to the extreme of every emotion and back again. Its been exhausting. So my counsellor thinks its nice im having a break from all that even if it does feel very strange. She thinks its healthy and thatll do for me. I wont worry myself over this too much.

My only real symptom is the vivid dreaming and night peeing. Hence being awake at 5.30am. The vivid dreams range from nice to nasty to downright weird. What does seem to be a recurring theme  though, are my 6th form friends.

I havent spoken to many of them in 13/14 years. I left 6th form at 18 somewhat under a black cloud due to being bullied in my final year and a year later i moved to Manchester, whereas they stayed in my home town and kept up thier friendships.

Its a shame really as they were a bunch of rather nice people. Last time i saw them was at M&G’s wedding. It was all a bit awkward though. Something i regret really but i wasnt then who i am now. Wasnt as strong or confident in myself. I wish there was a way to get us all together again to repair those friendships but perhaps too much time has passed? Anyhow my subconcious is very keen to bring them up over and over and as i dont know much about dream interpretation, im going with literal meaning.

Hopefully getting all this down means i can have another kip before work.

Night! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Final Cycle – Day 30

Final Cycle – Day 30

Official Test Day.

We made it at last. Bloods drawn at 9am by a very lovely doctor and results at 3pm.

Hcg level 561.5 at 12 days past a 5 day transfer.

Lovely strong number! With Millie it was 814 and she was a singleton at the scan at 9 weeks 4 days so my anxiety regarding triplets and quads is slightly relieved.

Of course, numbers dont tell all but im feeling much calmer than i have been.

Its still not real though!!!! Im still not accepting im pregnant. Im doing everything a pregnant woman should, i.e. looking after myself but its just not hit me yet, im pregnant. Again.

Team Miracle have been brilliantly supportive as usual and are looking forward to scan pics….from what ive seen baby may look like a caterpillar at 6 weeks-ish but if people want pics, i will oblige.

So thats it folks. Thats a short protocol ICSI cycle with PGD and EmbryoScope. 

Done in 30 days. Not too long really but wow what a journey. I just want to thank EVERY SINGLE ONE of you for reading, cheering me on, sending encouragement and love from afar. I had no idea how many people keep up to date with my journey and its simply overwhelming.

I hope ive kept you entertained and that maybe you learnt something new or feel better about the process if you are about to embark on your own journey.

I will be blogging throughout my pregnancy, and of course if you cant follow me anymore, i totally get it. I had to stop reading pregnancy blogs for a while. Its hard when you feel it should be you and its not.

Thank you all so much again though, and lets see what pregnancy has in store for Mr Me and I this time.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx 

Final Cycle – Day 29

Final Cycle – Day 29

11dp5dt or 16dpo

Today is the day i wanted to test originally so at 6.30am i once again pee’d on a stick

Definitley pregnant!!! 

This is the comparison photo from Saturday night to this morning

Tomorrow is actually Official Test Day where i will have bloods done and get a figure for the amount of Hcg in my system (thats the pregnancy hormone) . Not that the number will tell us anything other than im pregnant.

With Millie my hcg was 814, a friend of mine had her result come in at 130 something and she’s having twins, so numbers mean nothing. Itll be fun to compare and speculate however.

My early scan is booked for when i am 6 weeks and 4 days, today i am 4 weeks and 2 days.

I will be honest, as always, if more than 2 embryos have implanted, i will be opting for foetal reduction. Ill cross that bridge if we come to it and discuss my reasoning for this at that time.

Its really not like me to test early but over the course of Saturday, i was tying myself up in knots, going round and round in my head thinking it had and hadnt worked. Trying to deal with emotions i had no idea if i needed to deal with. In short it was tearing me apart and Mr Me couldnt bear to see me like that so eventually told me to do it so we knew what we were dealing with.

The 2 week wait is always tough but it REALLY got to me this time round. Possibly because i knew it was my last chance or just because 6 previous 2 week waits really dont prepare you for another. Who knows? It all worked out in the end.

Im still finding it a bit surreal, its not sunk in yet still. Im calm and positive though. The ‘fear’ hasnt hit me i.e. will we make it to term, will i have to terminate again, am i going to lose this pregnancy? 

Im just soooooo pleased that cycle 9 worked. Im so happy i am ABLE to get pregnant again as i was doubting it. Im excited for my bump, to wear maternity clothes, to feel wonderfully well and like im special and part of a secret club.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Final Cycle – Days 27 & 28

Final Cycle – Days 27 & 28

9dp5dt and 10dp5dt

Im still stunned about my BFP on Saturday night. Im soooo happy but i dont think its really sunk in yet. I have moments where i feel quite pregnant but mostly i feel totally normal. By the end of the day though im fairly bloated so look quite pregnant! 

Example below….

Thats me in Monica’s apartment at #friendsfest yesterday. Best day ever!! Its been my favourite TV show for as long as i can remember and to be able to be on set etc. was just magical. 

As i was in the apartment i though id recreate the moment Pheebs finds out she was having her brother’s triplets

Me recreating Pheebs getting pregnant!

Mr Me is being very protective of me. He’s seperated all the washing for me so im not bending as much, bless him. Monday is washing day and theres a lot of it for some reason and i cant leave it so we compromised! 

Other than being fairly hungry, im feeling tickety boo! 

Im going to do another test tomorrow like i was meant to, oops, and bloods are on Wednesday.

Ive made an enquiry about a 6 week scan to check how many implanted and im just waiting to hear back to book it.

Today im 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant. How weird is that?? 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Too cocky???

Too cocky???

Not a cycle update as such, thatll come later.

This morning im filled with concern that ive been too cocky, too positive. 

What if its all in my head???? 

The 2ww is soooo hard, some days im so confident and then other days im like, maybe i shouldnt have said that, maybe all my symptoms are the meds? 

I still maintain i didnt feel ANYTHING in June and im trying to hold onto that but its SO hard.

Such an emotional rollercoaster!!! 

Todays agenda = keep busy!! 

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx