Full Circle

Full Circle

Little T and I have been living in North Cyprus, alone, since early July. I cannot believe how lucky I am to be here, and generally how well behaved he is.

I did have a crisis moment at the beginning of August, the money was running out and I honestly thought we would have to return to the UK. I was absolutely heartbroken at the very thought, I was so desperate to make the Cyprus dream come true!

I attended 6 interviews and had no prospects left, it’s not easy getting work here.

In the final hour, I was offered a job. Not any job, my DREAM JOB!!!!!

I’m very proud to say I’m now an International Patient Coordinator for an IVF clinic, and not just any clinic, I work for the Doctor who gave me Little T!!!

Life really has come full circle, I’m giving back to other IVFers with the most amazing Doctor, Dr F.

I’m on my 3rd week and I absolutely love it. As Little T doesn’t start school until 9th September, (yep, I’ve secured schooling for him!) my manager has been so flexible about him coming to the clinic and has agreed I can work from home most days to make life a little easier. I’m so so grateful to be working with such a great team.

My colleagues are massively supportive, I’m the only one to go through IVF so whilst they help me with the technical side of things, I can help them understand what it is like from a patient point of view!

I spent my first week updating our website and I’m really proud of it, so please take a peek and let me know what you think!

I’m throughly enjoying communicating with patients and cannot wait to meet them when they visit!

Working from home means that this is often my office…

I mean really, how lucky am I!

I also love the brand new hospital, it’s more like a hotel, super modern, bright and airy!

Quite an ominous sky in that one, it did actually rain that day, but that’s the only time since I’ve been back here!

I think the best part of my job though is that the fact that i can wholeheartedly recommend Dr. F and the team, and the fact that I can share my real life experiences with my patients!

I’ve somehow managed to land the job of my dreams in my favourite place in the world!!!

Don’t get me wrong, being here alone is hard, I miss Mr. Me and the rest of my family. I don’t get a break or a lie in, ever, and Little T and I haven’t spent a moment apart since we arrived, he even watches me shower!!!! Hats off to all the single parents out there!

The fam are coming to visit in September though and Mr. Me should be here permanently no later than Christmas but hopefully it’ll be November time.

He is currently busy sorting the UK house out ready to rent it. We are renting a storage unit and selling off as much as we can. He will move in with his Mum in the meantime so we can save save save ready for his move!

The timescales have all been pushed back from the original plan but it is slowly coming together. To be honest, getting the cats passports sorted is taking WAY longer than expected 🙄 but when everyone comes over in September I’ll be gaining 3 cats in addition to my Cyprus kitten, Bellatrix, so they’ll keep me busy!

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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Pioneers?

Pioneers?

Little T and I returned to North Cyprus this week, just the 2 of us. We are the first wave, getting the lay of the land, feeling everything out! Pioneers, you might say!

So far things are going great, we arrived fine, i did struggle to open the door but that’s only because my Mum had double locked it in June, haha!

My car was here too, but no baby seat so we were stuck in most of day 1, which worked out ok as i wasn’t too well. Nothing serious, just lack of sleep and the heat knocked me a bit, a 2 hour nap sorted me right out!

Since last we were here the temperature has climbed somewhat (currently 35°C) and its taking me a while to acclimatise, all will be fine within a week though!

Little T is a trooper though, the heat hasn’t phased him at all, he’s still running around like its nothing!

He has taken a bit of a tumble on the stone floor and earned himself his 1st black eye, felt like the worst Mum ever, but he soon rallied and went back to watching PJ Masks!

I’m trying to make the house as homely as i can, Mum sent me over with throws for the couches as we aren’t fans of leather and it feels like my house anyway because there are toys EVERYWHERE already 🙈

I’ve got an interview on Monday which I’m really excited about, I’ve been researching and the science going on at this particular clinic is, wowsers, I’m such a geek!

Next week i need to look into bank accounts and the such!

Ill never tire of this view though

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

New Beginnings…

New Beginnings…

I’ve been in North Cyprus for the last 4 weeks and have another 2 weeks before I’m due to head back to the UK.

I fell in love with this place on my 2nd visit, despite it being a freeze all cycle of IVF and have dreamed of living here ever since.

We are now trying to make that dream a reality. My MS is better here, my mental health is better, there is no crime, no fear. Little T loves the place as he has so much more freedom. He’s turned into a little Turkish boy already, staying out of the heat, taking a longer nap later in the day and then coming out and ‘cleaning’ his beloved pool in the evening.

I left my phone (Galaxy S9) outside the front door for 2 hours and it was there when i got back. We don’t have to lock doors, the place is paradise.

We are currently house hunting and applying for jobs, this place will be home very soon.

The fact that Little T was created here just makes it all the more special.

As someone said to me the other day, life is for living, and i want to live my life here.

Mr Me has not been well this year, needing 2 operations on his lung. He comes to join us next week and we will be handing out CVs to secure us both a job!

My Mum and Brother are here and will be joining us on our Cyprus adventure, just need a villa big enough for the 5 of us!

We are getting the cats the jabs they need to join us. This will happen.

Life here is just perfect. The villages are sleepy and quaint, there is no rat race.

Its everything we need to be our happiest selves, and we will make it a reality.

So, watch this space…

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Day 3 and 4

Day 3 and 4

Days 3 and 4 were for the most part, boring.

I had a sleeping pill day 3 due to the screamer and the steroids. Still only managed minimal sleep though.

Got a bit of a surprise yesterday, i was moved to another ward. I can still hear the screamer, but with the help of another sleeping pill, i managed 8 hours sleep!!!

I also developed hives over night. My fellow MSer in my new ward, tells me it means its working

Im now struggling with my eyesight, they warned me some of the MS symptoms could come back

Its now Sunday. My eyesight came back within 2 hrs. I was exhausted but excited to get home. I left at 8pm

I slept all day Saturday. I was awake about 3 hours.

Today, the cat was sick on my bed so after an hour i managed to change the bed, put a wash on and have a shower, I’m now back on the (clean) bed awaiting Mr Me and Little T to come home from shopping.

I’m exhausted. This may be life for the next 2 weeks. Luckily Mr Me has time off over Christmas to help me out, i am on my own tomorrow but I’ve got backup if i need it

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Day 2

Day 2

I think i fell asleep about 2am. The screamer chatted til 12.45am but then i had obs at 1am so couldn’t settle again.

I woke up a couple of times and have been wide awake since 5.10am.

Coupled with the 20 minutes of sleep Sunday, i think its safe to say I’m probably a bit tired.

I’m having to have regular obs as the Lemtrada can affect my heart rhythm (so far so good) and the steroids can affect my blood sugar. I tested at 15.5 and 14.9 yesterday. The higher one was just after i ate and the 2nd one 2 hours later, but i had had a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar inbetween as the steroids make me HUNGRY

The chest tightness from yesterday was relieved with my inhaler easily enough. I also got very achy like i did back in the early days of my symptoms and i felt a burning itchy sensation but no rash as yet.

Lets see what today’s dose will bring

To be continued…

The steroids are still vile as is the taste they leave

Very few other symptoms, other than insomnia…

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Day 1 of Lemtrada

Today i arrived at the hospital half an hour early. I didnt sleep a wink last night.

I was shown my bed, I’m in a ward of 4. I was last woman in. We have a screamer, a lovely lady who weeps a bit and the lady next to me is quite poorly and struggles to speak.

I’m the only 1 with MS. I’ve had bloods taken, swabs taken and pee’d in a cup.

Nothing of note happened until about 2pm.

I’ve had IV steroids (left a vile taste in my mouth), and I’m finally on the Lemtrada.

Its the stuff in that bright red bag. The stuff that can’t see light. The stuff that looks like it could kill ya. Yeah. Even the nurse described it as a toxic medication

I’m waiting on paracetamol and an antihistamine as ill spike a temperature and ill get an itchy rash.

My drip needs a new battery pack and i think my chest is feeling a bit tight.

I’ve been on the bloody thing less than 30mins and I’ve got a tight bloody chest.

What fun.

I’ve watched a lot of TV and I’m now watching The Meg.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Holidays and Hospital Stays

Holidays and Hospital Stays

Last week we got back from 10 days in Northern Cyprus. We had a lovely time, Little T, particularly so!

The flights over were fine, but the layover in Istanbul was beyond stressful. Mum and my Bro went missing as we were separated getting off the plane, i had their passports and boarding cards, so they were stranded, and it took well over an hour for someone to take me seriously. This all because my Mum uses a wheelchair when travelling.

Anyway, we got to the hotel in 1 piece. Mums wheelchair spent the night at a different hotel mind you as it was unloaded incorrectly from the transfer!

My Grandad then passed away whilst we were there, but we tried to make the most of it. I think that’s what he would have wanted.

Little T was known throughout the hotel and down in the harbour. He managed with the heat incredibly well but isn’t a fan of a shower. He discovered chips and ate them everyday, along with Cyprus sausage, he learnt lots of new words and took lots of walks (not independently yet).

Since being back, I’ve booked Christmas dinner in Leeds, only to be told 20 minutes later, I’m having my MS treatment the week before Christmas and that kinda is the worst timing ever.

Ill be in hospital for 5 days from 17th Dec. Ill be given Lemtrada via infusion over those 5 days. The medication will bind to and destroy my white blood cells so ill be immunocompromised following the treatment. So being in a pub full of people 4 days later isn’t ideal!!!

Mind you, nor is handling strawberries due to the Listeria risk, but you gotta live, so ill be sat in the corner come Christmas day, keeping away from people!!!

I honestly thought after losing 2 babies and doing 9 rounds of IVF, I’d paid my dues, seems that’s not the case!

No rest for the wicked

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Rollercoaster

Rollercoaster

Why is it, every month is the same? Every month i wonder if this will be the month i get pregnant naturally.

I don’t know why i do it. I know we have 0.1% chance of it happening, but every month i wonder. And then i come on, either early on bang on time, according to my app.

Its a monthly emotional rollercoaster, its exhausting.

Honestly, i think trying for a baby turns most women into a bag of emotions! From hope, to loss, to desperation, to despair to guilt to anger.

And it repeats, every single month.

That tiny glimmer of hope is actually awful, it’d be easier if it was 0% chance.

I was due on today. It hasn’t arrived as yet.

Tea tasted funny the other day, I’ve had lower back ache, and so i wonder.

But, I’m likely just having a longer cycle due to polycystic ovaries, or I’ve not ovulated again.

But i hope, and i wonder and i wish. Only to have it all taken away again.

Infertility is hard. Its cruel.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

A date with L

A date with L

My appointment with the MS consultant was actually today, not tomorrow, thank god i checked my diary…

I’m going to be treated with the Lemtrada, the drug that sounds horrific.

It could stabilise me for up to 12 years though.

I will be able to try getting pregnant again in a couple of years.

I’ll likely start treatment in November/December as i have a trip to Seville booked early November.

The drug will essentially wipe out my immune system, ill need lots of post treatment meds, antibiotics and anti virals for example, for a fair while after the 5 day stint in hospital.

Ill be very fatigued during and for a few weeks after the treatment as it’ll break down my T and B cells, and all the chemicals from inside the cells will enter my blood stream

I will be able to have my 4 weekly blood tests locally which is a small bonus.

I can still have an alcoholic drink, but not too much before blood tests as it’ll mess with my enzyme levels.

Ill probably need another MRI before commencing treatment and have to keep my Dr up to date with any relapses.

So, there it is. Next 4 years of my life planned out, probably a rubbish Christmas, at risk of picking up everything due to a suppressed immune system. Excellent.

Been advised to avoid forums, won’t be an issue as i just want to deal with what comes, as it comes.

Going to be difficult, but when is life easy?

At least i can enjoy Cyprus and Seville and theres a plan in place, and i do like a plan!!!

Oh, and i need to stop vaping before the treatment!! #myonlyvice

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

Hand forced?

Hand forced?

So i had a call on Thursday from my GP, he told me he had had a letter from my MS doctor and i wasn’t to have steroids during an MS flare up.

Fair enough.

Today i got a copy of that letter and its terrified me.

I’d contacted the secretary of the MS doctor to advise we would like another baby so he asked me to come in this week (Thursday). In the mean time he wrote to my GP to say

  • I have relapsing remitting MS
  • Its rapidly evolving severe
  • My MRI’s showed that between 2015 and April 2018 there was a significant increase in lesions
  • Between April 2018 and June 2018 there were THREE MORE lesions (explains all the symptoms i was having)
  • As i was considering another baby, he wants to try a different medication, Lemtrada, as it provides a long lasting effect and will hopefully prevent relapses during pregnancy

Lemtrada does not sound pleasant, at all

The long term effect on disability is uncertain

Its given by drip over 5 consecutive days and i HAVE to be admitted to hospital as nearly everyone has an allergic reaction, treated by antihistamines and IV steroids

I’d need a second 3 day course in a year.

1 in 3 people develop under or over active thyroid requiring lifelong treatment

1 in 100 develop a blood condition

There have been a few cases of people developing a kidney disorder too

These conditions can be life threatening so I’d need blood tests every 4 weeks for FOUR YEARS after completion of the infusion

But, its PROBABLY safe to get pregnant 4 months after the last infusion. Probably.

What the fuck am i meant to do with that??

Head is up my arse.

I refuse to Google.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx