I have times where I’d love another little person to love
And then i think about how hard it’d be, having two
Then i think, do it sooner rather than later, get the lack of sleep, the nappies, the weaning out the way ASAP
And then i think of how hard that’d be logistically.
Would i even get pregnant again? Would it be as terrifying as last time?
Would the baby be healthy?!!!
Can i put Mr Me and my family through that?
I’m jealous of a bump, i miss the feeling of a baby moving, i miss feeling special, i miss growing life.
I don’t miss not being able to turn over, or being so big i can barely move, or having swollen feet/ankles/hands
Logistically, how do you food shop with a newborn and toddler? How do you attend groups with a babe in arms and (hopefully) one on the move? (Little T is still pretty stationary for now, and toothless i might add)
How would we raise the capital for IVF and then pay for a baby on one wage?
Will Little T be lonely as an only child? Am i thinking about a second because it seems like that’s the socially acceptable thing to do?
When people go into labour, i envy them. Despite it being the most painful thing EVER and the recovery being horrendous, the memory is becoming a sweet one, i see now how women convince themselves it wasn’t as bad as they thought.
I like having spare bedrooms, and i worry the kids would fight endlessly and i wouldn’t cope.
But i think about having another daily. Sometimes i think it’d be great, other days i have a near on panic attack.
Is there a good age gap? Is going from 1 to 2 as hard as they say?
I honestly never thought I’d be a Mum to a live baby. I thought i was destined to watch from afar, not feeling that love between Mother and Child.
And then Little T came along and its harder and more beautiful and more rewarding than i ever thought possible.
And I’m so very grateful, everyday, but especially today.
However, i remember. I remember being the Mum in waiting, the bereaved Mum, the pregnant Mum hoping this time it’d be different, so to all of you who are still waiting, still hoping, still grieving, i salute you. Today will be hard but you are stronger than you know and you’ll get through today, one way or another, whatever is easiest, that’s right for you.
Little T (and Mr Me) made me feel very special, with a lovely card, a book with 10 reasons Little T loves me, and wooden picture blocks. Ill keep these things forever, and remember how grateful and lucky i am when i see them.
Today means the world to me, I’m an actual Mummy to an actual little boy who is the most wonderful human
What they dont tell you…(or what i didnt realise!)
Its hard…i thought after 6 months of milk he’d want food, but nope!
We are doing Baby Led Weaning (BLW) so nothing is pureed. Its great as he eats what we eat really, but it did take 5 weeks for him to actually swallow 😂
I was fairly convinced he would NEVER swallow, but he got the hang of it, shuddered when it happened mind!
Kids are fickle too. What he liked yesterday, last week, he may not, and probably won’t like today!! That makes meal planning hard, and for a worried Mummy too!
In 3 months hes meant to wean off formula altogether, i worry SO much that hes not eating enough, that he relies too heavily on formula (rightly so, ATM) but we have dropped the afternoon feed for last 2 days and it seems to be going OK(ish). (He woke up twice for feeds last night!)
Hes also not a fan of getting his hands dirty so theres baby cutlery and spoons everywhere and lots of food smeared on his face, my hands, clothes, floors etc.
They said BLW was messy but i didnt realise id be covered in it too and they dont do adult full cover bibs!!!
He has little to no etiquette but is fiercely independent so its all over his face, his hands, my arms, my hands, its basically a food explosion
Leftovers…id been eating them 🤦♀️ what a fool! Didnt like watching food go to waste, when i should have been watching my weight!!
Im such an idiot, no wonder ive only lost a few pounds since having him!!! Ive stopped now, fingers crossed ill lose a bit of flab 🤞
Little T, like most adults, loves all the wrong things too…twiglets, mini cheddars, rusks 😕 (He also enjoys peanut butter muffins but i make them so i feel OK about that.)
Wont touch a cucumber/carrot/celery stick, or a banana (never known a baby not like banana) so i know i look like ‘that’ parent when hes munching on a muffin, but he has a good brekkie and good dinner, i swear.
Little T hasnt been well so hes been off food and seems only to want softer things right now. This on top of being fickle over food!!
He loves Bolognese type stuff, but i had no idea tomato doesnt digest. I cannot tell you how panicked i was the first time i saw red poop, i thought he was dying!
We are still toothless which i think he finds frustrating, although im not sure how useful front teeth will be when it comes to chewing!?
He is hilarious to watch though and i get such joy when i see him enjoy what i make. To that end, im cooking all the meals, baking, and really enjoying it. We eat healthier meals now too, all thanks to Little T and Baby Led Weaning. Thankfully i have a brilliant app we use everyday or id be lost!!
We were invited to a Rainbow Tea Party at the hospital last weekend.
I wanted to go, to show off Little T, and thank the people that cared for us so well. However, i hate that place.
The night before, i relived all 3 births, in stunning clarity. I felt the same anxiety as normal when we arrived, had to follow my usual pattern of having a coffee (which has changed from Costa to Starbucks, yuk)
I still dont like the place but it was a nice afternoon and im proud we are part of the 2017 Rainbows
Today has been a hard ass day, Little T has cried or whined all day. I dont know why. I dont think he knows why. He is usually a delight but today nothing pleases his lordship.
We went to the park to play on the swings since he loves it and he fell asleep on the way home and even tolerated being moved so im thinking hes poorly!!!
I planned to meet some friends for a drink but he really isnt in the mood and i dont think he would settle in a public space.
So im waiting on Mr Me so i can have a glass of wine and a long shower….an hour and counting.
I handed my notice in at work. A month earlier than needed but i wanted to give as much notice as possible.
It was weird. I love my job, i really do. I just love being at home with Little T, more.
I’m in the minority, most of the Mums i know can’t or don’t want to stay at home. I feel very lucky that i can.
Little T is changing so much now and i don’t want to miss a thing. (Although he is some how moving and i always miss how he does it…I’m thinking bum shuffle?!)
Motherhood is everything i wanted it to be, and more.
Don’t get me wrong, there are days i want to pull my hair out and can’t wait for Mr Me to come home to give me a break, but 95% of the time, Little T is a joy to be around.
He is now 9 months old, weighed in at 20+lbs a couple of weeks ago, still can’t roll over and has no teeth, but he has the most amazing smile, loves music and his sensory toys. He babbles a lot (like his Mum) and loves food.