3 years…

Today marks 3 years since we lost Milo. After a 36 hour labour he was born sleeping on this day in 2014.

Im ok. Im aware of what today is. Ive been aware since 1st March. I hate March.

Im more anxious i think, im constantly willing the little dude to move today. Ive planned distractions but i cant deny my anxiety is up to a 7 roughly.

Time is a great healer. I wont deny. The gaping hole he left is now much more manageable. I still miss him. Still wonder about him.

But im a pragmatist. I try so hard to think about the future and focus on what is good. Things are really good, 29 weeks pregnant, and buying a beautiful house.

Life isnt fair, what we have been through has been horrific but it was crumble or survive, and human nature pushes for survival.

Ive already been out and about today and seen a lovely rainbow despite it not raining. Im trying to find reassurance in that rainbow, but im worrying overly about the little dude.

So….29 weeks!!! Oh my word. Im shocked im still pregnant. The 3rd trimester is just so alien to me. As im currently ahead of the game in regards to the house move, and baby showers, i do focus more on the pregnancy which is anxiety inducing.

Im looking forward to the end of March as i start antenatal classes, my baby showers are in early April, we will hopefully move mid/late April, all of which will stop mind assuming the worst all the time.