Tag: pregnancy after stillbirth

Broody, Jealous, Both or Neither

Broody, Jealous, Both or Neither

Do i want another baby?!

Maybe. Possibly. I don’t know!

I have times where I’d love another little person to love

And then i think about how hard it’d be, having two

Then i think, do it sooner rather than later, get the lack of sleep, the nappies, the weaning out the way ASAP

And then i think of how hard that’d be logistically.

Would i even get pregnant again? Would it be as terrifying as last time?

Would the baby be healthy?!!!

Can i put Mr Me and my family through that?

I’m jealous of a bump, i miss the feeling of a baby moving, i miss feeling special, i miss growing life.

I don’t miss not being able to turn over, or being so big i can barely move, or having swollen feet/ankles/hands

Logistically, how do you food shop with a newborn and toddler? How do you attend groups with a babe in arms and (hopefully) one on the move? (Little T is still pretty stationary for now, and toothless i might add)

How would we raise the capital for IVF and then pay for a baby on one wage?

Will Little T be lonely as an only child? Am i thinking about a second because it seems like that’s the socially acceptable thing to do?

When people go into labour, i envy them. Despite it being the most painful thing EVER and the recovery being horrendous, the memory is becoming a sweet one, i see now how women convince themselves it wasn’t as bad as they thought.

I like having spare bedrooms, and i worry the kids would fight endlessly and i wouldn’t cope.

But i think about having another daily. Sometimes i think it’d be great, other days i have a near on panic attack.

Is there a good age gap? Is going from 1 to 2 as hard as they say?

How do you KNOW you want another?

Heeellllppppp

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

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Most pregnant I have ever been

Most pregnant I have ever been

Woohoo!! we made it through the majority of scary week and finally im the most pregnant i have ever been!

Its been a lovely day so far. I had my whooping cough vaccination this morning, followed by brunch at Harvey Nichols. Sue Johnston was there too (The Royle Family), dining with celebs!!

After a lovely brunch, looking out over the city, we made our way to the private scan, to try and get some head shots. I remembered to eat chocolate and have a fizzy drink too, just to get him moving.

Im pleased to say it worked a treat and here he is. Baby PMA in the flesh…

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His little nose and ear and chin

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Nose, mouth and eyes!
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Looks just like Daddy
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Hand, arm, leg and foot
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Daddy’s knee’sĀ 

 

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Knows how to suck!!
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Big yawn!

He no longer looks like Morph, he has a face! His daddy’s face, he’s the image of Mr Me!

It was a lovely experience, and i cant believe how much more bonded we feel to our little dude.

Today has been an amazing day for so many reasons.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx

 

This is going to be a tricky pregnancy…

This is going to be a tricky pregnancy…

Ive spent this afternoon in the early pregnancy unit, again.

After never going, i’ve now been twice in just over 2 weeks. I feel like i may be there often.

I went to the loo at work and there i was just bleeding profusely. No cramps but lots of blood.

Dashed out the office without really letting people know why, they thought i had an early finish! Sorry everyone!! 

Got to EPU and they told me it could be a 4hr wait so i settled in. I was assessed within 30 minutes and instantly put on the list for a scan. 

Within 50 minutes i had an internal scan and told the sonographer (who diagnosed Milo) i was prepared for bad news.

She had a look and turned the screen to show me a baby with a heartbeat, my response? ‘fuck off’. I seriously thought i had miscarried. Had told Mr Me to prepare himself and then theres a blob with a heartbeat…

Shocked isnt the word. Im flabbergasted. There was SO MUCH blood. Wherever its coming from isnt affecting baby though, its nice and high in my uterus, measuring a day ahead and has a Crown to Rump length of 22mm. 

They advised me to rest, i.e. bed rest. Even said i should get a bell to save my voice šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

Clinic (Team Miracle) have told me to come off aspirin, increase the progesterone pessaries to 4 times a day, and keep my legs up.

They also told me to use a proluton (ass jab) if i had one, which i do. They really bloody hurt. But, if it keeps baby in place and stops the bleeding, itll be worth it.

I notice a pattern here….Milo, all good until 20 weeks, Millie ok until 12 weeks, Storm Trooper, naughty from 6 weeks on.

Its going to be a LONG 31 weeks if this continues.

Love, Little Miss PMA xxx